


Past Memories, Present Fear

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Times, M/M, h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-07-07
Updated: 1999-07-07
Packaged: 2017-12-11 02:54:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 30,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone returns from Blair's putting Jim in danger.<br/>Archivist's note: Due to length, this story has been split into two parts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Due to length, this story has been split into two parts.

## Past Memories, Present Fear

by Mia Athlas

Disclaimer: The characters used here, sadly, do not belong to me. They are the property of Pet Fly and UPN. I have received no monetary reward, I do it simply for fun. 

Contains m/m sex. If you are under 18, do not read this. 

* * *

Past Memories, Present Fear - part one  
by Mia Athlas 

Blair woke up feeling good. Nothing to do but relax and revel in his success. He stared at the ceiling as he lay in bed, thinking of his plans in a few weeks. He and a guest of his choice would be attending a blockbuster opening at the Cascade Museum. It was the event of the season, sure to be attended by all of Cascade's best and brightest. Blair was still in awe that he had been asked to speak at the ball. The exhibit was on pre-Columbian artifacts and the curator an old mentor of Blair's who felt he could offer some insight into the exhibit, considering he had been there for the excavation of much that was to be on display. Blair sighed happily and climbed out of bed. He heard Jim in the shower and couldn't wait to share his news. Dr. Knowles had only made the offer yesterday when the original guest speaker had let them know he couldn't make it. Jim had been on a stakeout, without Blair for once, and hadn't come in till after Blair had gone to bed. 

He heard Jim go back upstairs and headed for the shower himself. By the time he had showered, dressed and entered the living room, Jim had already started breakfast. 

"Morning, Chief. Have a seat, breakfast is almost ready." Jim didn't look up as Blair came over to him. 

"Sure, Jim, thanks." Blair took a seat, noting the tension in Jim's back and his slow movements. He thought it was odd that Jim was wearing a turtleneck sweater on such a warm day. Blair could tell something wasn't quite right with his partner and wondered why Jim was pretending to be in a good mood. He decided to play along for now. "You sure are in a good mood today, Jim. What's up?" 

Jim glanced over at his friend, faking a hurt expression. "So just what are you implying here, Sandburg? That I'm normally in a bad mood?" He cocked his eyebrow and waited for his partner's reply. 

Blair smiled. "Well, big guy, I didn't want to say anything but since you brought it up, you have been known to be a bit... ummm... testy at times." Blair stood up and moved back a step, as he noticed Jim moving suspiciously close to swatting distance. 

"Yeah, that's right, run away, Sandburg. Apologize for your harsh criticism or no breakfast." Jim held up the pan filled with french toast. 

Blair laughed and threw his arms apart in defeat. "Okay, man. You are very even tempered, always kind and considerate and never have a harsh word to say to anyone. Oh.... and blessed with a sunny disposition." Blair held out his plate for his french toast and Jim bowed and filled it and his own plate then turned away to take care of the pan. He heard Blair's faint mutter. 

"This had better be darn good after that load of bull." 

Jim rinsed the pan and dropped it into the sink. He casually strolled back over to Blair and then in a burst of speed grabbed his plate and smirked at his surprised friend. "You just broke the terms of the agreement Sandburg... too bad... oh well, I am feeling rather hungry." 

Blair looked at Jim dangerously. "You know, Jim, it is a well known fact that you shouldn't bother animals when they are eating, I think that applies to the human variety too." Blair launched himself laughing at the larger man, making a grab for his plate. He caught the edge of it and both men watched in dismay as the plate shattered on the floor. 

They both stood frozen for a second then started laughing hard. Jim scooped the french toast into the garbage and grabbed another plate from the cupboard. "Come on, Chief, you can share mine." Jim divided the remaining french toast and sat across from Blair to enjoy his breakfast, leaving the broken glass till later. 

Blair was touched; he'd expected Jim to insist that he make his own breakfast. "Thanks man." Blair began consuming the toast. "So, give, what's the news?" 

Jim gave Blair and odd look and grabbed the newspaper from the table beside him. He held it up so Blair could read the headline. Blair read out loud. 

"COP OF THE YEAR CAPTURES INTERNATIONAL HITMAN" Blair's eyes went wide. "Jim, what's this all about? International hitman? Are you nuts? Why didn't you let me in on this? I could have helped, I thought you were on a regular, everyday stakeout." Blair was kind of hurt that Jim had kept this from him. 

Jim held out his hands, surprised. "Hold on now, Chief. This came up very suddenly. It was a lucky break. Brown and I were staking out the Corner Deli, waiting for that slime ball Peterson to show. The deli is just across the street from city hall you know?" Blair nodded and gestured for Jim to continue. "I noticed a guy dressed completely in black enter the building opposite city hall. Brown didn't see him. If I hadn't of been scanning the area for Peterson with my own version of night vision, I would have missed him too. He moved like a cat, quick and agile. He was around the corner and in the building fast." Blair listened intently to his friend, his pulse quickening at the obvious danger of the situation. 

"Wasn't the mayor hosting a charity function there last night?" Blair broke in. 

"Yeah, he was. It was just starting to let out. I high tailed it after the intruder, leaving Brown to watch the deli and to make a long story short... found him with a high powered sniper's rifle and after a brief but painful fight, I subdued him." 

Blair jumped up and moved to Jim's side placing a hand on his shoulder. "Are you hurt, Jim? Why didn't you tell me?" He looked at Jim accusingly, his eyes searching for signs of injury. Jim held up his hands. 

"Whoa, Chief. It's okay. A few bruises, nothing to worry about." Jim stood and grabbed the dishes, heading for the sink. 

Blair followed him watching carefully as he tried to determine whether this was just another one of Jim's "I'm 100 percent" fantasies. He did notice a limp that hadn't been there yesterday. "Jim, you're limping." Blair pointed out the obvious as Jim washed the dishes. Jim didn't even turn around. 

"It's nothing." Jim dismissed the statement. Blair began to get annoyed. 

"It is not nothing. Come on, Jim, how am I supposed to help you with your senses if you are constantly keeping me in the dark? What happened? Are you in pain? Did you take anything?" Blair pressed Jim for an answer. 

Jim sighed and decided that he might as well fill Blair in. He would find out anyway and he wouldn't leave him alone until he knew everything. Or at least until he thought he knew everything. Besides if he was going to be around Jim, he needed to know. Jim put an arm around Blair's shoulders and led him to the couch, his good mood fading as real life seeped back in. He sat Blair on the couch and sat on the coffee table facing him. Blair began to get very nervous; this wasn't going to be good. 

"Okay, Sandburg, here's the thing. I struggled with the assassin, he stabbed me in the leg and I ended up beating him by tossing him out the window. After the assassin was taken to the hospital and identified, I called in a favor from a friend in covert ops. He told me that the man, Brian Feld, was suspected of being one of the most feared and deadly mercenaries available for hire today." Jim paused as he heard Blair's heart rate pick up. "I'm concerned that he may not have been here alone. There is a chance that I'm now a target for taking him out." 

Blair stared at his friend. "Do you think it's a serious possibility? Do you think that these men will come after you?" Blair was afraid for his friend. He had the utmost faith in Jim's ability to fight almost any man, but hired killers focused on revenge might be more than the big guy could handle. 

Jim contemplated his hands for a moment before speaking. He looked up at Blair, his face unreadable. "He's a known lone wolf so the chances of retaliation are slim at best but..." Jim raised a hand in Blair's face, "but...I don't want to take any chances. That's why I've arranged for you to go spend a few days with Simon. He'll be here in a few minutes." Jim watched as Blair's face turned an alarming shade of red. 

"Are you crazy, man!? I'm not going anywhere. If they come after you, you will need me. No way. I'm not leaving and you can't make me." Blair sat with his arms crossed and a stubborn look on his face. 

Jim tried to reason with him. This was going to be difficult. He had to make Blair understand that he had to go. Jim knew he couldn't risk his friend. He was pretty sure that if Feld was not working alone the mercenaries would try to take him out to save face. There were better than even odds that they would also try to get to the mayor and finish their mission. 

"Listen, Blair. I want you out of here. This place could turn into a war zone and you know how you attract bullets." Blair didn't even move a muscle at Jim's admittedly poor attempt to lighten the conversation. "Come on, Blair. You will be safe at Simon's, and I won't have to worry about you." 

"No, Jim. I don't care what you say. You are not turning me out of my home. I'm staying. I can take care of myself. What if you zone, man?" Blair sat on the edge of the couch and put his hands on Jim's knees. "You and me are better as a team, haven't you learned that yet?" Blair tried to break through the walls around his friend. "Would you leave me if our positions were reversed?" 

Jim's jaw twitched. He was losing this conversation. He sighed, resigned to the fact that nothing short of a jail cell was going to get Blair away from his side. Despite himself, Jim felt a warm glow at the thought. He was still struggling with his recently awakened feelings for the kid, he loved him even if he couldn't say it. 

"Okay, Sandburg." Jim gently ruffled Blair's hair. "But if you get yourself killed, I'm going to follow you to the other side and kick your butt." Blair got that weird 'something is not quite the same' feeling as Jim's hand lingered in his hair longer than normal. Jim seemed to notice finally and stood quickly, wincing at the sudden pain in his leg. He turned the pain dial down another notch and headed for the kitchen, hoping that Blair didn't notice. Blair stood and followed him. 

"Quit that," Blair snapped. 

"Quit what?" 

"Quit trying to hide the fact that your leg hurts. How can I help you if you are always playing the stoic hero? Show no pain. Death before dishonor. Sheesh." Blair threw his arms up in frustration. 

* * *

"Okay, Sandburg, my leg hurts. Feel better?" Jim smiled slightly at Blair's frustration. Their conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. Jim put his finger to his lips and pointed to the bathroom. Blair took the hint and hurried into the bathroom, out of sight. Jim drew his gun and flicked the safety off. 

He concentrated on the area just outside the door and immediately picked up the scent of a particular brand of cigars. 

"It's Simon," Jim said as he relaxed and lowered his gun. He let his captain in and called for Blair again. The three men sat down in the living room. Blair looked at Jim oddly as the man sat so close to him that their legs touched. Simon started. 

"Well, Sandburg, are you ready to go?" 

"No way, Simon, I'm staying here." Simon shot an inquiring look at Jim. Jim shrugged. 

"He's staying, Simon. Against my better judgement, he is staying." 

"I can't say that I'm surprised." Simon snorted. "I told you that you were nuts if you thought he would leave." 

"I know, Captain, but I had to try. He's just too stubborn for his own good." 

"Yeah, Ellison. I know what you mean, stubborn and bossy." 

"He's still in the room, guys." Blair waved his hands. "Still in the room and capable of talking for himself." Blair smiled as the other two men laughed. He felt the tension ease somewhat. 

"So, Simon, what have you found out?" Jim asked, leaning forward slightly in anticipation. 

The captain leaned forward too. "I've gotten as much information as possible about our assassin and it seems that the best knowledge we have shows that he always works alone." Jim breathed a sigh of relief and felt Blair relax beside him. 

"Thank, God." Jim breathed, covertly pressing his leg against Blair's to assure himself his partner was with him. Simon smiled at his friend, knowing that the sentiment was out of worry for Blair not himself. 

"Amen to that but we are not going to assume anything. I'm going to have a couple of officers keep an eye on you and the mayor for a few days just in case. Better to be safe." Simon stood and moved to the door. "Take the day off if you need to, Jim. We can do the paperwork tomorrow. I know it was quite a night." Jim shook his head as he escorted Simon to the door. 

"No thanks, sir. I'd rather get it over with. I'll follow you in." Simon nodded and left the apartment. 

Blair stayed silent through the exchange between Jim and Simon. He was trying to figure out what was wrong with Jim. He wasn't acting normal. Obviously whatever happened the previous night was still getting to him. Jim closed the door after Simon and walked behind Blair to the kitchen. Blair was amazed as Jim drew his hand lightly across the back of his hair as he passed. Blair stood and looked at Jim warily thinking, 'I don't know what's going on, big guy, but I'll find out.' Aloud he said, "I can't come in with you today, Jim. I'm covering for Professor Field." Blair watched in amazement as Jim's face fell. He walked over to his friend and grasped his arm to make Jim face him. 

"Jim, what is it? What's the matter?" 

Jim shrugged his shoulders minutely and looked sheepishly at Blair. "Nothing, Chief, I was just hoping for a little help on the paperwork for the Patterson case." Blair studied Jim's face for a clue as to why his partner was acting so strangely. He could get nothing at all from Jim's expressionless face. 

"Does this have anything to do with that case last night?" Blair saw an emotion flicker across Jim's face. Was it worry... fear? It was quickly wiped away before Blair could put a name to it. Jim patted his shoulder. 

"It's nothing, Chief. I've got to get to the station." Jim moved away and grabbed his coat. 

Blair shook off his uneasy feeling. He and Jim would 'definitely' talk later. He called after his fleeing partner. "Okay, Jim. I should be done by noon. How about you pick me up and take me to lunch, then I'll come back to the station and help you with your big nasty paperwork?" Jim turned and smiled at Blair. 

"Sure, Chief, that sounds great." 

Blair felt a little tingle in his chest at the warm look on his partner's face. 'What was up with Jim today? Making breakfast, sharing his food, touching him more --well maybe not more just differently -- than usual, using his date smile. Something was definitely going on here.' Blair spoke slowly to Jim. 

"All right, Jim. I'll see you at lunch then." 

"Sounds good, Sandburg. Do you need a ride to class?" Jim winced. Blair saw the wince and wondered if he had heard the needy tone in his own voice. 

"Sure, Jim. Since I'll be coming home with you it makes sense." Blair grabbed his backpack and followed Jim to the truck. 'God what now?' Blair asked himself. 

The drive to the university was uneventful, well, except for the fact that Jim kept glancing at him every couple of minutes. Blair breathed a sigh of relief when he climbed out of the truck. 

* * *

Jim drove away and could barely resist the urge to stop the truck and watch till his partner was out of sight. He settled for listening to him till he was out of range of his enhanced hearing. God, he was such a bonehead. He might as well of just lay down at Blair's feet and declared his undying affection. 'Real subtle, Ellison,' Jim chided himself. 'Real subtle.' 

* * *

The morning passed quickly for Blair. His class went off without a hitch. He returned to his office and settled in to get some marking done before Jim showed up. Blair glanced at his answering machine and absent mindedly pressed the button. Four messages. Jim's voice filled the room. 

beep... 9 am... It's Jim. I forgot to say that you should meet me on the corner for lunch. We'll have more time if I don't have to come in. Okay? Later... beep... 

beep... 9:30 am.... I didn't mean to say I wouldn't come in if you wanted me to. If you want me to come to your office let me know... it's no problem... otherwise I'll just assume you are meeting me at the curb. Okay then... beep 

beep... 10 am... Chief? It's me again. I just wanted to see if you got my earlier message. Guess I'll talk to you later... beep. 

beep... 11 am... Ummm Blair? Me again... ummm... never mind... beep. 

Blair stared at the answering machine. Enough was enough. Something was obviously wrong with Jim. He picked up the phone and dialled the station. 

"Major Crimes, Detective Brown speaking." 

"Henry?" 

"Yeah. Sandburg is that you? Jim's with Captain Banks right now. Want me to get him?" 

"No, actually could I talk to you for a minute?" 

"Sure, Hairboy. What's up?" 

"I was kinda hoping that you could answer that question for me. Jim has been acting... odd... this morning." 

"Well, I can't really blame him. His throat must be driving him crazy." 

"You mean his leg?" 

"Well that too. Last night was a little too close for comfort. I can't believe Jim is still here. He is one of the luckiest s.o.b's I've met. He could have just as easily..." Brown's voice trailed away. 

Blair felt his stomach twist. "Maybe you had better tell me your version of what happened, H." 

"Damn, Blair. He didn't tell you did he?" 

Blair clenched the phone. "I think that he may have left out a couple of important points. Help me out here, Henry?" 

"I really think you should talk to Ellison about this, Blair." 

Blair sighed. "You're right, Henry, and you better believe that he and I will talk." 

"I'll just bet you will, Blair," Brown laughed. The detective lowered his voice becoming serious. "Don't worry, kid. He's fine." 

"Thanks, Henry. I'm coming in this afternoon, I'll see you then." 

Blair said his goodbyes and hung up. He leaned back in his chair. He would get the truth, the whole truth, out of Jim at lunch. 

The rest of the morning passed slowly. Blair sighed and stretched. He hadn't managed to get anything done. He had just sat and obsessed about Jim mostly. Gathering his things, he headed for the door. 

Blair left the anthropology building moving fast. He had his head down talking quietly to himself. "It has to be something to do with his senses. Why wouldn't he tell me..." Blair broke off his monologue as he collided with a man coming from the other direction. He ended up sprawled on the ground with his papers spread around him from his open backpack. He gathered his papers and stuffed them back in his pack. 

"Watch where you're going you stupid punk," a gruff voice growled menacingly above him. 

Blair winced at the man's tone. 'Oh boy. Why do I always run into the psychos?' Blair turned to look up at the man with an apology on his lips and froze. 

Blair felt a chill envelope him. An icy hand squeezed his chest. He gazed up at the man with a sense that somehow he knew this stranger. The man stared down at him, recognition sparking in his eyes. Blair struggled for breath, he had to get away from here. He felt strangely detached, his body wouldn't seem to obey him. Where was Jim? He needed his partner. 

"Jim," Blair gasped quietly. He felt panic well up as the man stepped toward him. "Jim!" Blair called desperately. The man was going to touch him. "JIM!" Blair started to hyperventilate as the man reached out to grasp his arm. 

* * *

Jim drove towards the University to pick up Blair. He felt like a fool. Calling Blair's office like that. He groaned. What had he been thinking? Well he knew what he had been thinking. The close call last night had affected him more than he cared to admit. It made him take a hard look at his life and what he wanted. It surprised him when he realized what he wanted was Blair. God. How could he talk to Blair about this? He could hardly admit it to himself. Jim had enough self knowledge that he realized he had a problem talking about emotional stuff. Most people probably considered him cold. Lord knows, he'd messed up with Carolyn. He couldn't let his awakened feelings come between him and Blair but he had to find some way to discuss it with his partner. Jim was sure of that. 

The question was would he be comfortable staying with Jim once he knew? 

Jim focused his hearing on the Anthropology building as he entered the University grounds. He caught Blair's little soliloquy and smiled to himself. His smile faded as he heard Blair's exclamation of surprise as he collided with something and fell. Jim pulled up to the curb and saw Blair stuff his papers into his backpack as a large older man stood over him. Something about the guy's stance bothered Jim and he picked up his pace as he heard the man's angry words. 

Jim broke into an uneven run when he saw Blair's stricken face and heard him call out for him. He wanted to move faster and cursed his wounded leg. He heard the rising panic in his friend's voice as the man reached for him. Jim reached the two men and stepped between them before the man could make contact with his frightened partner. Jim pulled Blair to his feet, distressed by the younger man's labored breathing. He ignored the stranger for a moment, his back to him. He took Blair's face in his hands forcing his gaze away from the man. Jim caught Blair's eyes with his. 

"Breath, Chief. I'm here now. It's okay. Calm down." Blair's eyes were wide and frightened but he got his breathing under control. Jim turned to the person who had caused his partner such distress, placing Blair behind his back. He felt Blair clasp the back of his shirt as he examined the stranger. He was about 55, approximately 5'11' with the build of an aging body builder and angry eyes. The man spoke to him. 

"Who the hell are you? Get out of my way." The man moved to go around Jim to reach Blair. Jim put a hand on the man's chest stopping him. 

"Stay where you are. My name is Detective Ellison, Cascade P.D.." Jim pulled his badge from his wallet and showed it to the man. "What is your name?" 

"I don't think that's is any of your business, officer. I've not broken any laws. I just want to have a private conversation with Blair." 

Jim heard Blair gasp behind him and step closer to his back at the man's use of his name. Was he hiding from this man? Jim was alarmed at the thought of his 'in your face' partner cowering from anyone. 

Blair whispered behind him. He spoke for Jim's ears only. "No, no, don't let him touch me. I-I want to go Jim. L-Let's go. I... need... to... go, please?" Jim was worried as Blair's breathing became uneven again. Jim spoke to the stranger. 

"No, sir. Blair doesn't want to speak with you. I suggest if you have a complaint you file it at the Cascade police department, good day." 

Jim turned and put an arm over Blair's shaking shoulder to lead him away. The man stepped in front of them blocking their way. Blair seemed to shrink before him, edging behind Jim. The man grabbed Blair's arm before Jim could stop him. Blair cried out as if burned. Jim moved quickly grabbing the older man's hand and removing it from his partner, twisting the man's arm behind his back in a fluid move. He held the man for a moment whispering in his ear. 

"Touch him again and I'll kill you. I don't know what's going on here but stay away from Blair or I'll make it my personal mission to tear you apart." Jim sent the man stumbling with a hard shove and gathered Blair back to his side. Scooping up the younger man's backpack he led him to the truck. The stranger called out behind them. 

"Listen to me, boy. You are going to have to talk to me. I'll find out where you live, you and that bitch Naomi." Jim stiffened and began to turn back but Blair pulled him towards the truck with shaking hands. 

"No, Jim. Let's go home. Please leave it. Take me home." 

Jim took one look at the lost, scared look in Blair's eyes and gave in. Against his better judgement, he ignored the man and secured Blair in the truck. As he drove away he saw him in his rear view mirror watching them. 

Blair was silent during the drive home. Jim called the station. 

"Simon, it's Jim. I think I'm going to take the rest of the day off after all. Yeah, it's bothering me. Sure. No, I'm sure it'll be okay tomorrow. Thank you, sir." He ignored Blair's concerned look. Regardless of what else was going on Blair always thought of Jim first. 

Jim stayed silent until they walked into the loft. He wanted to give Blair a little time to think before questioning him. Jim went to the fridge and pulled out a couple of beers. He passed one to Blair then sat down close beside him. Blair was the first to speak. 

"Look, Jim, I'm sorry. I don't know who that guy was or why I acted that way. That was 'so' not me." 

"Hey, it's fine, Chief. Not a problem." Jim tried to sooth his agitated friend. "He seemed to know you though and I don't think we've seen the last of him." Blair blanched at the thought then blushed making the red stand out even more. 

"What is it about that guy, Jim? I feel as if I should know him." He jumped to his feet and began pacing. 

"Blair, calm down. Remember what you always tell me? Sit back down and relax. Focus and try to remember how you felt when you first saw him. Don't worry, we'll get to the bottom of this." Blair sat back down beside Jim tucking his legs underneath himself. 

"Okay, Jim, you're right." Sitting cross legged with one knee resting against Jim's thigh, he closed his eyes and began to breath deeply. 

Jim watched as the worry lines smoothed out and Blair began to relax. He gave Blair a few minutes to regain his perspective before beginning. "Okay, Blair. Now think back to when you first saw him..." He never got any further as Blair's eyes sprang open and his heart rate increased. Jim put a restraining hand on Blair's leg, stopping him from jumping up. 

"What is it, Chief?" Blair turned on the couch and grasped Jim's shoulders with a hard grip, not even noticing Jim's wince as his hands connected with bruised flesh. 

"I remember him now, Jim. I remember, he was an old boyfriend of my mom's." He finally noticed Jim's grimace of pain and released his hold as if burned. His attention immediately reverted to his sentinel. 

"Jim, what's wrong?" He reached up before Jim could stop him and pulled his turtleneck away from his skin. Blair gasped at the black bruises that covered Jim's neck. He drew back and looked appalled with his partner. "My God, Jim. What happened? This time I want the complete truth. How bad is that?" He pointed to Jim's neck. 

"Listen, Blair," Jim began. 

Blair cut him off sharply. "No. Just let me see the damage. I want to see if we should go see a doctor." 

"That's not necessary, Chief. I've already seen a doctor." Blair remained where he was, arms crossed, staring at his partner. Jim gave an exasperated sigh. 

"Dammit, Blair. I wish we could deal with one crisis at a time." He carefully pulled his turtleneck over his head, being mindful of his bruises. Blair gasped as Jim's chest was revealed. Dark bruises were scattered over his chest ending in a painful looking bruise circling his neck. Obviously made by someone trying to strangle him. Blair felt dizzy for a moment. It was just too much all at once. Jim reached out and clasped his arm. 

"Hey, it's okay, Chief. It looks worse than it is. It's just a couple of bruises from the fight last night." Blair slapped Jim's hand away. 

"It is most definitely not okay. Why didn't you tell me Jim? What's wrong with you?" 

"Ah, Blair. I didn't know what to say." 

"What do you mean you didn't know what to say? How about 'Hi Chief, this is Jim, someone almost killed me tonight, I'm at the hospital.' That would have worked. God, Jim, I thought we were friends. I thought we were past all this macho bullshit. I thought that we shared stuff and helped each other. I guess the great Detective Ellison doesn't need any help from anybody, least of all me." Blair sat back against the couch staring at his hands. "How do you see me, Jim? Am I just some weak, useless kid who you let hang around?" Jim knelt on the floor in front of his partner with his hands resting on Blair's knees so that he was forced to look at him. 

"Listen to me, Blair. Forget that load of rubbish right now. I know I don't express myself well. It's nothing to do with you, it's just how I am and I'm sorry. I wish I had the words you need. Words are easy for you. All I can say is that you are my 'best' friend. I rely on you. Do you know you are the first person that I've ever trusted without question? Before there was always some doubt. I never really depended on anyone the way that I depend on you. I've been on my own for so long, Blair. Since I was a kid, I've never had anyone who would truly mourn me if I died. At least, I've never believed I have." Jim blushed at the caring (could he call it love?) on Blair's face. He took a deep breath and continued. 

"I want to tell you what I was thinking last night but I'm afraid." Jim's jaw twitched at the word. "I'm afraid that you'll leave." 

Blair smiled down at Jim, his eyes burning with unshed tears. "Wow, big guy. I think that is the longest speech I've ever heard you make." Jim laughed nervously. Blair brought one hand up to his face. 

"Tell me, Jim. I don't care what it is. You could confess to me right now that you killed that man in cold blood and it wouldn't change a thing. I would know that you had a good reason for doing it. You really think you could ever get rid of me, man? I don't think so." Jim moved up onto the couch bedside his guide and took one of Blair's hands into his own. Blair jumped a bit with the gesture. 

"Oh man, Jim. This is going to be bad, isn't it?" He ran his fingers of his free hand through his hair. Jim smiled at the familiar motion. Blair seemed to do that a lot when he was uncertain. 

"I don't know, Chief. I guess that is up to you." 

"Well, in that case, don't worry, Jim. I'll help you with whatever it is." Blair made his promise solemnly. Jim squeezed Blair's hand. 

"Thanks, Chief, but don't make that promise just yet." Jim held up his hand to silence Blair. "Let me finish. The only promise I want you to make right now is that you'll think about what I'm about to say. I don't need you to say anything right away so don't feel that you have to. Just stay here and sleep on it before you make any hasty decisions. Okay?" Jim's mouth was dry. All or nothing. Time to come clean. 

"Okay, Jim, I promise." 

Jim looked over Blair's shoulder as he spoke. It was easier than facing his scorn. "Last night was bad, Blair. Much worse than I let on." He felt Blair tense beside him but pushed on. "He almost killed me. It was just luck that saved my life. I was no match for that guy. It was humbling. I can easily say without bragging that I can stand up to most men in a fight but this was beyond my abilities. I knew he was going to kill me. I knew that he 'could' kill me, easily. The fight was over quickly and I was already hurting when he started choking me." Jim felt Blair's hand press his own. 

"Everything was fading and all I could think of was you and how I would never see you again. Then he slipped. He slipped Blair and half conscious I shoved him. He fell through the window and he lost and I won. Five minutes later, when Brown burst into the room, I was still lying on the floor. All I could do was lie there amazed that fate had handed me a second chance. A chance to tell you." 

* * *

"Tell me what, Jim?" Blair asked the question even though he thought that he knew the answer. Jim had to say it. Jim spoke softly, hardly believing that he could find the strength to say it out loud. 

"To tell you that... I love you." Jim bowed his head watching their clasped hands, not wanting to meet Blair's eyes. 

"Jim, look at me." 

"No." 

"Jim, look at me." Blair spoke firmly. Jim raised shamed eyes to his partner and spoke before Blair had a chance to have his say. 

"I'm sorry, Blair. I won't ever do anything. God, I don't even know what to do really. I've existed this long without acting on my feelings toward men. I promise you will never see a difference in how I treat you. I know it's wrong. I'm sorry." Blair looked at Jim shocked. 

"Who told you it was wrong? Never mind, daddy dearest raises his ugly head again. As I was about to say before you so rudely interrupted...ALL RIGHT!!" Blair threw his arms around Jim enthusiastically. He pulled back abruptly as Jim grunted in pain. "Oh, sorry. You'll have to excuse me. It isn't often that the thing I most covet hands himself to me." Jim was stunned. 

"Huh?" 

"Back to the monosyllabic man that I know and love, I see." Blair smiled happily and gently wrapped his arms around Jim's waist, pressing his face to the older man's chest. Jim hesitantly embraced Blair, still a bit confused. 

"What just happened here, Chief?" He felt Blair's lips turn up in a smile against his chest and warm breath on his skin as the young man spoke. 

"To recap: Detective Ellison, unable to continue to hide his injuries, confesses that a hitman beat him up. On death's door, he realizes his adoration of his partner. He, under threat of bodily harm from said partner, confesses all and learns that his love is returned. Clear enough?" Blair leaned back to look at Jim. It finally sank in and Jim tightened his arms around his partner. 

They were content to hold each other. The rest seemed unimportant. Blair's confrontation at the University and Jim's uncharacteristic fear and injuries all faded away. Everything was forgotten except the feel of strong arms, the beat of kindred hearts and the warmth of heated flesh. 

Jim opened his eyes and was amazed to see dusk settling in. He had fallen asleep. The events of the last 48 hours had caught up to him. He looked down into the bright eyes of his guide, cradled against his bare chest. Blair smiled up at Jim and tightened his arms around the sentinel's waist. 

"Hey, big guy. Sleep well?" Jim returned Blair's smile. 

"I slept better than I have in a very long time. It is quite amazing considering my position." Jim was leaning against the back corner of the couch with his legs stretched out, his feet resting on the floor. Blair was sitting sideways on his lap, his arms wrapped tightly around him and his face and chest pressed close. Jim grinned foolishly at his partner. 

"I may never move." He brushed a hand across Blair's cheek and played with a curl that had fallen across his forehead. "Did you sleep, love?" 

Blair cuddled closer to Jim. "Love... I like that." Blair kissed Jim's chest softly. "I really like that." He whispered against the sentinel's right nipple and felt the big body beneath his shiver. Blair leaned back and looked into Jim's face. "No. I just enjoyed being here with you. I loved watching you sleep... watching over you." Jim rested his hand on the side of Blair's neck. 

"How long was I sleeping?" 

Blair glanced at his watch. "About four hours." 

"You laid here with me for four hours?" 

"Sure, Jim. I couldn't think of any place I'd rather be and you didn't seem to mind." Blair searched Jim's face for a clue as to how he was feeling. Jim's eyes darkened and he brought his other hand up to Blair's neck. 

"If I had my way, you would never leave my side." He spoke seriously, trying to convey the truth in his words. Blair turned his head and kissed Jim's palm. 

"I want that too big guy -- with all my heart." Jim gazed down at Blair, still not quite believing that they were here like this. 

"Can I kiss you?" Jim whispered the words, his voice shaking slightly. He still half expected Blair to change his mind. Instead of answering, Blair straddled Jim's thighs and leaned forward pressing his lips to his partner's forehead. He moved down and stopped almost touching Jim's lips. Jim felt his guide's breath caress his lips as Blair spoke. 

"That is the last time you need to ask, Jim. Whatever I have, I'll gladly share with you. Whatever you want is yours." 

"What if I don't know what I want?" Jim spoke in hushed tones. 

"Then, I'll show you." Blair closed the space between them, his lips finally touching his partner's. Blair lost himself in the connection. He vaguely wondered if this is what zoning felt like, then Jim parted his lips and he was floating in sensation. 

Jim felt Blair's mouth open in a mirror of his own movement. He tentatively tasted his guide. He wasn't prepared for the impact on his senses and felt himself slip away as he focused on the feel of Blair's tongue against his own. 

Blair pulled back from Jim as the older man went still. He shivered at the abrupt loss of his lover. One moment he had been kissing Jim, feeling the passion and heat between them like a living entity. The next, there was nothing. He felt as if he was kissing a statue. Jim wasn't there. Blair knew the signs and immediately placed his hand on Jim's chest above his heart and tried to bring his sentinel back to him. 

"Jim, you've got to focus. Listen to my voice, feel my hand. Come back to me." Blair smiled as recognition came back into his partner's eyes. Jim looked confused for a minute then the emotion turned to embarrassment. 

"Damn it, I'm sorry, Blair. I guess I got a little too into it. It just felt so... I don't have the words. The only thing that comes close is incredible. I turned up my sense of touch to the maximum. I didn't want to miss anything." Jim blushed. "I promise to be more careful." Blair stroked Jim's chest and smiled at his partner. 

"It's okay, Jim. Just make sure you don't concentrate too much on one sensation. Want to practice some more?" Blair raised 

his eyebrows suggestively. Jim laughed and hugged the younger man. 

"I want to practice and practice. I think I need a lot of practice. Hours of practice. I think I'll need massive practice in kissing..." Jim kissed Blair's cheek, "in stroking..." Jim ran a hand up Blair's thigh, "in suckling..." Jim leaned forward and lightly bit Blair's nipple through his shirt, "and in caressing..." Jim hesitantly squeezed Blair's erection, both wishing for and fearing its release from his jeans. Blair arched his back as electricity pulsed through him and inhaled sharply. 

"Jim!" Blair grabbed Jim's face and kissed him hard. He thrust his tongue into the older man's mouth. Jim returned the kiss with equal fever. Their tongues dueled and caressed. Jim pulled back suddenly and Blair leaned forward trying to recapture his mouth. Jim kissed him chastely then pulled away grabbing his shirt. 

"Simon's at the door, Chief." Blair finally noticed someone knocking on the door. He grinned at Jim. 

"I didn't even hear it, man." 

Jim leaned over Blair. "You only have ears for me... I like that." To Blair's amazement, Jim licked his ear then strode over to the door. Blair laughed behind him. Jim grinned and opened the door for his captain. 

"Hey, Simon. What's going on?" Jim gestured for his friend to come in and then settled back on the couch next to his partner. Simon tossed a package to Blair. 

"Catch, Sandburg." Blair caught the brown 8" by 11" envelope and looked at Simon inquisitively. "Some guy dropped it off at the station. He said it was very important that you get it, and I thought that I might as well drop it off on my way home. It's probably from some girl, desperate to date you," Simon teased the young man. He saw Jim and Blair exchange an odd look but shrugged it off. Blair tore open the envelope. 

"Thanks, Simon. I really apprec..." Blair gasped as he looked at the contents of the envelope. He started shaking. Jim took the envelope from Blair's hands and examined the contents. Simon cast a worried glance at the young man. 

"Are you okay, Blair?" Simon asked. "What is it?" Jim looked at Blair his eyes asking permission, Blair nodded but stayed silent. Jim passed the envelope over to his captain. Simon pulled out a birth certificate and read the name. "Blair Gregory Hall, born March 30, 1969 in Bangor, Maine." Simon ignored the implication of that for a moment and examined the rest of the contents of the package. A laser photocopy of a driver's license, the picture was of a man with strong features and silver hair. "Phillip Neill Hall." Simon's eyes widened as he looked back at the birth certificate. The father was listed as Phillip Hall. Simon looked at the third sheet of paper. It was a short hand written note addressed to Blair. He read it out loud. 

"Blair, meet me at the Harbour Diner at 9am tomorrow. We need to talk." It was unsigned. Simon looked up in alarm as Blair squeezed his eyes shut, wrapped his arms around his own body and started to rock back and forth. 

Jim ignored Simon's presence and gathered the young man into his arms. He whispered into Blair's ear. "It's okay, you don't have to meet him." 

Simon cleared his throat mumbling something about forgetting something in his car. He left saying he would be back in a few minutes. He obviously wanted to give them time alone. When Simon left, Blair drew back from Jim and grabbed the birth certificate and the driver's license picture. 

"This is the man from this morning, Jim." Blair stared forlornly at the image. Jim nodded. 

"I know, Chief. Do you think this is real? What do you remember?" Blair stared down at the face of this ghost from his past. 

"I don't remember much actually. What I remember most are feelings. When I look at this man, I get this pain in my stomach. I feel fear but it's more than that. I feel a sense of helplessness. When I look at him, I know that he is going to do something that will hurt me and that there is nothing we can do about it. The feelings are so out of control that they're frightening." Blair looked directly at his partner. "I have one clear memory of him. I remember him pushing my mom down to the floor, then slapping me." Blair lowered his eyes and raised his hand to his cheek as if it had just happened. He looked back up at Jim and immediately moved forward, taking a clenched fist in his hands. 

"I'm alright, Jim. It was a long time ago. I couldn't have been more than five at the time." Jim stood abruptly his jaw twitching. 

"Five, Chief! He hit a five year old. He'll regret even touching you or Naomi, I promise you." Jim growled the words, his eyes dark and dangerous. Blair stood and stepped back, overwhelmed by the anger emanating from the sentinel. He spoke softly but clearly to his enraged partner. 

"Jim, stop it! This is not helping me. I don't want you to hurt him. All that would accomplish is a jail cell for you and I would be alone." 

Jim let Blair's words sink in and took a deep breath, trying to regain control. How could that bastard dare to approach Blair now? What did he want? Jim knew he needed to reign in his emotions. Being too emotional was not something he normally had to worry about, he thought wryly. He was no use to Blair like this. Jim drew on his training and felt his mask click into place. First thing he needed to do was find out if the son of a bitch's obvious claim to be Blair's father was true. He glanced over at Blair noting his nervous stance and uncertain eyes. No. The first thing he had to do was apologize to his guide. Jim stepped carefully toward Blair, gratified that Blair stood his ground even though he looked ready to bolt. 

"I'm sorry, honey." Jim wondered at how easily the endearment slid from his lips. He took Blair's trembling hands in his own. "It's just that I want to protect you. I hate that he hurt you. My anger got away from me for a minute. I promise I'll keep it under control." Blair squeezed Jim's hand. 

"Okay, Jim. I love the fact that you are here for me and that you want to protect me, but you have to keep in mind that I'm a grown man capable of looking after myself. Just don't do anything that we'll regret. I need you here with me, not waiting for an arraignment. I love you." Jim sighed and once again drew Blair into his arms. He felt his partner's arms tighten around him. 

"I'll do whatever you want. I love you, Blair." Jim kissed the top of his guide's curly head. He turned as he heard Simon cough behind them. Simon stood in the open door, astonished. 

"I think I missed something here, gentlemen. Do you have anything you'd like to tell me?" Simon's mouth twitched up at the corners at Jim and Blair's embarrassment. He leaned against the door jam -- waiting. 

Jim looked down at Blair who nodded. He turned to his captain drawing Blair close to his side. He met Simon's eyes directly and stated clearly in his 'don't mess with me' tone. "We love each other." Simon decided he needed to be absolutely sure. 

"I assume you are not referring to a brotherly type of love here." Blair shook his head and spoke. 

"No, Simon. Definitely not brotherly. Are you okay with this?" 

Simon came all the way into the apartment. "Well, I can't say that I'm not surprised but I know how good you guys are together. I'm happy for you. How do you guys intend on handling this at work?" Simon was worried for his friends. Not everyone would accept this easily. 

Jim sighed. "Work is not going to be easy, Simon. This is all still very new to us. I'd like to ask you as our friend to keep this confidential. Blair and I need to be able to work things out without the added pressure of bigotry. Can you do that?" 

Simon took in the worry on the faces of the men before him. "As far as I'm concerned I came here on my own time as 'Simon your friend'. Once you inform Captain Banks of your relationship, or it becomes known in the precinct, we'll deal with it in an official capacity. Until then your friend is happy for you, okay?" 

Blair pulled away from Jim and came to stand in front of Simon. Simon had always been such a good friend to both of them. Blair hadn't always seen that but now he had no doubt. He was relieved that he and Jim's relationship wasn't going to change that. Looking up at the big man, Blair found he didn't know how to put his gratitude into words. 

He settled for a simple, "thank you, Simon," and threw his arms around the captain, hugging him. Blair quickly let him go and stepped back uncertain of Simon's reaction. Simon looked surprised and his look quickly turned to stunned as Jim stepped past Blair and hugged Simon as well before stepping back, blushing furiously. Jim haltingly said, "yeah, Simon, thanks." 

Simon sputtered for a minute before regaining his composure. "Now cut that out," he stammered, "you guys are seriously wierding me out here, as Sandburg would say." 

Jim and Blair smiled at their friend for a moment. Blair's face fell as he remembered the problem at hand. He turned to Jim. "I've got to meet him, man. I've got to find out the truth." Jim nodded at Blair. 

"I know, Chief, but I'm going with you." At Blair's uncertain look he added, "It's okay, I promise to behave." 

Blair agreed. "Okay, Jim, but you've got to let me handle this. I'm glad you'll be there." His face lit in an adoring smile and Jim returned it, their arms going around each other. 

"Uh, guys?" Simon interrupted. " I'm still in the room." Jim and Blair pulled apart. 

Simon continued. "I ran a check on our mystery man when I went downstairs." He chuckled at their surprised look. "What? I needed something to do while I made myself scarce. I had the man's driver's license number from the photocopy so the check was easy. I told Rafe I needed the information immediately, that it concerned Blair." Simon caught Blair's worried look. "Don't worry, Sandburg, I asked him to keep it to himself, you can trust Rafe." 

Jim asked, "What did you find out?" 

The two men settled back down onto the couch facing their captain as he filled them in. "Phillip Hall. Age 50. Current occupation is salesperson. He was employed by the Bangor police department for 10 years as an officer. He was released from his position in 1984 for undisclosed reasons. The record is sealed by internal affairs. He has a record of domestic violence stemming back to 1977. No convictions until 1987 when he was convicted of involuntary manslaughter for the death of the child of his common law wife. He served 10 years in prison before being released last year. His current residence is in Cascade." Simon looked up from his notepad that he had been consulting for the information and addressed a wide-eyed Blair. 

"I don't know a tactful way to ask you this, Sandburg, so I'll just say it. Is this man your father?" 

Blair stood and walked to the window, staring out into the darkness. "God, I hope not." 

* * *

Simon joined Jim and Blair for a light supper. None of the men were really in the mood to eat and the food mostly went to waste. Simon left after promising to see what else he could find out. Jim locked the door behind him and walked over to where Blair was still staring out the window. He stepped up behind his guide and wrapped his arms around the shaking body. Blair jumped and twisted away from him. Jim stared at him in shock. Blair's eyes focused on the big man for a moment, then filled with regret. 

"Oh... I'm sorry, Jim." Blair grabbed Jim in a fierce hug, easing off as he noticed Jim's pained expression. "I was just thinking about 'him'. You startled me." Jim relaxed. 

"It's okay, Blair. I shouldn't have sneaked up on you like that." Jim held the young man close. "You're still shaking, honey. Do you want to talk about it?" Jim could feel the tremors in his partner's body. 

Blair snuggled closer to Jim, pressing his face into the bigger man's chest. He thought that if he could get close enough he could block out the world. 

"Why would you want to block out the world, Chief?" Jim asked softly. 

Blair grimaced. Damn that sentinel hearing. He hadn't even realized he had spoken the words. Blair turned his head to the side resting his ear above Jim's heart. This way he could speak but he felt strangely calmed by his sentinel's heartbeat. "It's just that ever since I ran into that man today, I've had this feeling in the base of my stomach. I feel like something is wrong with me. I feel panic, apprehension, that something is out of place. I feel like no matter what happens I'm never going to feel the peace I felt before. I feel like I don't belong here anymore," Blair finished quietly. Jim pressed his partner tighter against him, ignoring his own bruises. 

"Don't say that, Blair. You are right where you belong. Why would you say that?" 

Blair tried to organize his feelings so that he could explain. "Okay, it's not really that I don't belong... It's more like... like I need to go. Like I need to get away." Jim tilted Blair's face up so that he could look into his eyes. He stared down at him uncertainly, fear radiating from his body. 

"Blair..." Jim paused not wanting to know the answer. "Do you want to leave me?" Jim felt his throat constrict. Blair's eyes widened. 

"No, Jim! Never." Blair pulled Jim down for a quick brush of his lips. "If I left, you would have to come with me." Blair didn't doubt that his partner would. Jim smiled, relief erasing the lines on his brow. 

"Thank God." He took a shaky breath. "I would, you know... go away with you if you felt you needed to get out of here." Blair felt his eyes fill yet again. He rubbed a hand across them. 

"Damn. I can't believe this. I do not cry, man, honest. All day I've been fighting the urge. What's wrong with me?" Blair pulled gently away from Jim and walked over to the kitchen to get a drink of water and get himself under control. Jim followed. 

"It's natural, Blair. All this stuff with that Hall guy has dredged up a lot of childhood memories. Along with those memories come the feelings. Don't let it bother you." Blair put down his half finished glass of water and turned back to Jim smiling. 

"Thanks, man. I just didn't want you to think I was some big crybaby." 

Jim noticed the weariness in Blair's posture and voice. He gathered Blair up into his arms, lifting him off his feet to the startled amusement of the young man. "You will never be a crybaby, baby." Jim nuzzled Blair's cheek. "Time for bed, I think." He set his guide back down on the floor as he felt the stress in his wounded leg. Blair reached up and put a hand on Jim's cheek, gazing into his eyes. 

"Jim?" 

"What is it, baby?" 

"Can I sleep with you tonight? I don't think I'm ready for anything heavy but I-I would rather not sleep alone." Blair asked the question hesitantly. He wasn't sure if Jim was ready to have him in his bed. He didn't want to scare the older man off but he needed Jim close while he slept. Jim smiled brightly. 

"I can't think of anything that would please me more, Chief. I was about to ask you the same thing." 

"Really?" 

"Absolutely. Now why don't you grab whatever it is that you need and I'll meet you upstairs?" Blair nodded. Jim was grateful to see the bounce in his step as he headed for his room -- correction-- while he headed for his 'old room'. 

Jim sat on his bed, waiting for Blair. He looked down at himself. He was clad only in boxer shorts and the white bandage on his leg. Jim began wondering how Blair would feel about sleeping with his almost naked partner. He didn't want to make Blair uncomfortable. He decided he should probably put on those old pajamas he was sure he had somewhere in his dresser. Standing, he walked over to his dresser and began rifling through the drawers. "I know they're in here somewhere." Jim heard Blair come up the stairs and stop behind him. He noticed his partner's little gasp and increased heart rate. He smiled to himself thinking, 'you've still got it Ellison.' Blair watched quietly for a moment then had to ask. 

"What are you looking for, Jim?" Jim didn't turn around as he answered. 

"My pajamas." 

"Why?" 

"I thought it would be best if I wore them to bed." 

"Why?" 

"Because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. Will you please quit saying 'why'?" Jim smiled. It reminded him of the old 'Why?' game that Steven had liked to play when they were children. 

"I'll quit saying 'why', if you quit looking for those god-awful pajamas," Blair countered. Jim stopped. He didn't really want to wear the pajamas. If Blair was okay with it, he was okay with it --wasn't he?. He closed the drawer and turned to his partner. 

"Okay, Chief. I just..." Jim stopped as he saw the young man. He knew that he himself tended to walk around the house half dressed but it was a rare thing to see any Blair-skin. Blair kept everything pretty much undercover due to his aversion to the cold. Glimpses of naked flesh were few and far between, moments that Jim treasured in his mind. Jim blinked at that thought. Had he really treasured those moments, even before he realized the true nature of his feelings for Blair? He was surprised that he could recall every time with startling detail. Every fleeting glimpse of a lightly haired chest, every view of muscled legs and, of course, his one unimpeded view of Blair's chest and back from when he had taped his partner's cracked ribs. All that was nothing compared to what he felt now. 

Blair was standing before him dressed only in happy face silk boxers. Jim's breath caught as he enjoyed his first real unimpeded look at his partner's slight form. He felt himself harden as his eyes caught a glint of silver attached to a small pink nipple. He noticed a red tinge seep up Blair's neck and face and felt an even stronger wave of affection at his love's embarrassment. 

"Jim!" Blair squeaked. Jim couldn't tear his eyes away from where they had come to rest. He knew that he was staring at Blair's boxers, watching as Blair's arousal became evident. He was fascinated by the hardening erection he could almost see through the thin silk cloth. Blair reached down and shifted his erection with one graceful hand and Jim watched the motion hungrily. He raised his eyes to Blair's, not moving any closer. 

"Can I... ummmm... can I...?" Jim trailed off, his face flushing. Blair took a step closer. 

"Anything, Jim. You know that. Can you what?" Blair's words were gentle. He knew that this was new to Jim. He wanted to help his partner feel comfortable with him and his body. Even had he been up to it, Blair didn't want Jim to rush into anything that he wasn't ready for. Blair also knew that he couldn't deny the big guy anything. Jim's eyes drifted back down to their previous position. 

"Can I see you..." He whispered, "I've never seen... I mean... an erection... I mean... any but my own anyhow..." Jim flushed an even deeper shade of red. 

Blair felt himself harden further. 'Oh well,' he thought, 'so much for not doing anything tonight.' He smiled at Jim trying to ease his discomfort. 

"It's okay to ask, Jim. I want to share everything with you." Blair had always been comfortable with his body so stripping in front of Jim was no hardship. He carefully drew his boxers over the head of his throbbing cock and let them fall to the floor. He watched Jim's face as his reactions crossed it: arousal, wonder, curiosity, love, fear. 

Jim stepped closer to Blair. His mind was screaming 'slow down!' but his body was urging him on. Blair was beautiful. His body was perfectly proportioned. His cock stood straight and stiff. Jim was amazed by the differences between Blair and himself. His partner's cock was a bit shorter and wider than his own. Jim shuddered at the thought of trying to take that inside himself. It was amazing how much bigger Blair's erection seemed in that context. 

Blair stepped close to Jim, as he noticed the shaking, and cupped Jim's chin bringing his face up to look at him. 

"It's okay, Jim. We won't do anything you aren't ready for." 

"What if I'm never ready? What if I can't go all the way with this?" Jim was worried he didn't have enough to offer Blair to make him stay. 

"Jim," Blair began very seriously, "I never want you to do anything that you are uncomfortable with. Do you understand me?" Blair spoke firmly and watched for Jim's nod before continuing. "Whatever you can share with me will be enough, I promise you. I want you so badly that I ache but there are lots of ways to relieve that particular ache, many of which don't even require your direct participation. Okay?" 

Jim nodded again. "I want to do 'everything' with you Blair and I mean 'everything'." Jim stared directly at Blair to make sure he understood. "I'm just not sure how or if I can... uuhhh... accommodate you." Jim looked back down at Blair's erect cock. Blair couldn't help the huge grin that spread across his face as Jim's meaning finally became clear. 

"Jim, love, I don't think that will be a problem. We'll just have to go slow. I have done this before, you know, I would never do anything to hurt you." 

"I know that, Blair. I have never trusted anyone enough before to even try... anal penetration." Jim choked a bit on the words. Blair sighed. Jim was definitely not ready. 

"Jim, until you can say it without flinching, we are definitely not going to do it." 

Jim looked slyly at his partner. "Until then, can we experiment with other things?" 

Blair laughed. "Sure, big guy." Jim put his hands in Blair's hair and tilted his face up for a kiss. Revelling in the soft full lips beneath his, he ran his tongue along them before diving in briefly. He drew Blair's bottom lip into his mouth and sucked lightly. Blair moaned. 

Jim drew back and whispered against Blair's lips. "Can I touch you, Blair?" 

Blair pushed Jim back onto the bed and lay down beside him. They rolled to their sides facing each other. Blair trailed one hand across his partner's broad chest. "Tell me exactly what you want, Jim." Jim looked embarrassed. "No embarrassment. It's just you and me here. There is nothing to worry about. Nothing you can't ask. What do you want?" Jim pushed Blair's hair back and kissed him gently. 

"I've never been with a man before." 

"I know, Jim. What do you need?" 

"Can I... explore your body...?" Blair laid back and opened his arms, his cock straining. 

"Yes." 

Jim looked down at Blair spread out before him. His to explore, his to touch. He drew a hand from Blair's chin to his nipple. Jim turned up his sense of touch slightly -- he had turned it down after his injury. The big man felt a pang of pain from his leg and the ache in his bruises was stronger but he felt that the discomfort was a small price to pay as he reveled in the feel of Blair's soft hair beneath his fingers. After the smooth skin of his female partners, it was an odd but entirely pleasurable experience. Jim stroked his fingers over a hard nub, brushing the cool surface of a nipple ring. He heard Blair moan beneath him and shiver as Jim's fingers played with the small nub. 

Jim was lost in his feelings of pleasure mixed with the pain of his bruises. He left the nipple and moved his hand down Blair's body. He rested his palm on Blair's stomach as he admired his partner's fully erect cock, feeling the breath moving in and out of the body beneath his hand. Jim paused for a moment and tried to get a handle on the mixed feelings he was experiencing. It was weird to realize he was sitting there staring at another man's penis. It was disturbing, arousing and frightening all at once. Jim was overcome with a desire to touch his Blair's beautiful cock. To feel the texture, to see how it differed from his own, to hear how Blair responded. 

Jim ran his right hand down to tangle his fingers in the course hair at the base of Blair's cock. The texture was so different from the soft hair on his chest. Jim drew his left hand to his own chest and felt the smooth hairless skin \-- so different. He moved his hand down under the band of his boxer shorts, brushing past his erection to his own groin. He rolled the hair in his fingers, the texture was softer, his own pubic hair shorter. He felt Blair's eyes on him. 

* * *

"Take them off, Jim, please. I want to see you too." Blair gasped out the words as Jim's fingers continued to play at the base of his cock. Jim pulled his hand away from Blair, ignoring his love's whimper of loss and quickly pulled off his boxers. He sighed at the delicious feeling of release as his cock sprang free. Blair's eyes found his again. 

"Beautiful Jim. I love you." Jim leaned over and kissed him gently, his right hand going back to Blair's groin. 

"I love you too, Blair, and I love the way you feel." Jim sat 

back on his heels and continued his exploration. He ran his hand down and rolled his partner's balls between his fingers. His left hand mimicked the action on his own body. He heard Blair's groan echoed by his own. It felt so incredible. Jim continued mapping the differences between his body and his guide's. He drew his right hand back up and hesitantly touched Blair's naked cock for the first time. He felt his guide grunt and arch at his touch, moaning. 

* * *

"Yes, Jim! Touch me. Please. Harder!" Jim ran one finger up the shaft tracing a bulging vein. He could feel the cock throbbing under his finger. He wanted to feel more. Unconsciously he turned his sense of touch up to the maximum, then cried out as his senses were overloaded by the pain of his forgotten injuries. He fell back gasping. Blair immediately was on his knees next to his writhing partner. 

"Jim! What's wrong? What's happening, baby? Talk to me!" Blair was frantic. He ran his hands over Jim's body looking for a sign of an injury that was missed. 

Jim gasped out, "Stop... Blair... stop." Blair's hands immediately stilled. "Turned up... too far... can't control it..." Jim's face was contorted in a grimace of pain. Blair leaned over Jim, bringing his face close to his partner's \-- not touching him. 

"Open your eyes, Jim. Look at me!" Jim struggled to comply. His body didn't seem to want to obey him. Finally he opened his eyes a crack. Blair stared directly into his eyes, holding his gaze with his own. 

"Good, Jim. Good. Now look at me. Concentrate on your senses of sight and hearing. Let you other senses fade into the background. There is nothing but my voice and my face," Blair chanted to his shaking partner softly. He felt the older man relax slightly. 

"Now turn down your sense of touch. Do you see the dial? Slowly turn it like we've practiced." Blair felt Jim's shaking slow as he got his pain under control. He sat back as Jim put both hands over his face. 

"Thanks, Chief," Jim spoke, dropping his hands. "That was the most intense pain I've ever experienced. Do you think it had something to do with the fact that I was aroused when the pain struck?" Blair ignored the question and glared angrily at Jim. 

"What happened, Jim?" 

"I got a little carried away and turned up my sense of touch a bit too high. I just couldn't resist, I didn't even realize I'd done it till it was too late. What a mood killer, huh?" Jim tried to smile but got no response from Blair. 

"Jim, if we are going to go forward with this, you have got to learn to keep your senses under control. You almost gave me a heart attack. Zoning on me before, now this." Blair flopped down beside Jim, his exhaustion suddenly coming back, both of their erections deflated. "What are we going to do?" 

Jim stared at Blair for moment, seeing the lines of worry on his forehead. The poor kid had a terrible day and he wasn't helping. Jim got Blair to scoot up so that he could draw the blanket down. He settled his partner under the blanket and rolled close to him gathering the small body in his arms. 

"We will take it one day at a time, love. Right now, we are going to sleep. Tomorrow we'll deal with Hall. We have our entire lives to work on our problems." Jim curled his fingers into Blair's hair rubbing gently. "Let it go for now... sleep." Jim whispered the words against Blair's cheek as he felt the young man succumb to his exhaustion. 

Blair woke to a comforting pressure on his chest. Glancing down, he smiled as he saw Jim still sleeping, head resting on his chest. Blair closed his eyes again and stroked his partner's hair. He felt Jim stir and looked back down into sleepy eyes. 

"Good morning, Jim." Blair smiled down at the Sentinel. Yawning, Jim rubbed his face. 

"Good morning, Chief. Now this is the way to wake up." 

"The best," Blair agreed. He realized that it was the truth. Blair couldn't remember the last time he'd awoken with such a sense of well-being. He pulled Jim up, wrapping his arms around the large form. 

"I love you, big guy." 

"I love you too, Chief. How are you doing this morning?" 

"I feel like I could do anything. Nothing like sleeping wrapped in the arms of the man you love to help you find your center." 

"Yeah," Jim agreed, "so how do you feel about giving me a good morning kiss?" Blair didn't answer, except to take Jim's face in his hands and bring their lips together in a gentle but thorough kiss. Jim felt his heart rate pick up and heard Blair's do the same. They pulled apart after a moment. 

"Wow," Jim gasped. "Good morning." He smiled brightly. 

"Would you like to share a shower?" Blair laughed at the expression on Jim's face. "Just a shower, man. We don't have time for anything else." 

"Sorry, Blair. My imagination got away from me there for a minute. I started imagining all sorts of creative uses for shampoo." Jim felt himself harden and tried to push down the urge. Blair was right, they didn't have time for that right now. "I think that you had better shower while I get breakfast ready. I don't think that I have the self control right now to be in the shower with your naked body and not throw you against the tiles and have my way with you." Blair laughed again. 

"Okay, Jim, but I _definitely_ want a rain check on that." 

As Blair padded off to the shower Jim collapsed back on the bed groaning. He tried to focus on anything except the image of a naked Blair, running his soapy hands all over his body. Jim forced himself to open his eyes and ignore the growing erection between his legs. Breakfast. He pulled himself up, tugged on a pair of boxer shorts and headed downstairs to the kitchen. 

By the time a towel clad Blair had emerged from the shower, a breakfast of eggs and toast was laid out on the table. Blair walked up behind Jim enjoying the view of rippling muscles and strong thighs as Jim leaned into the fridge to pull out the orange juice. From behind, Blair wrapped his arms around Jim, pressing his still moist body against his partner's back. He felt Jim shiver before he turned and pulled Blair into another kiss. Blair felt Jim's erection poking into his stomach and moved his body against it, smiling at his partner's moan. 

"It seems you have a problem here, big guy. I can help with that." Blair rubbed himself against Jim again for emphasis. Jim rocked his hips against his guide. 

"I'm sorry, Blair. The more I tried to concentrate on not thinking about it, the more I couldn't seem to get my mind off of you in the shower, lathering up your body, running your hands over yourself... Ahhh!.." Jim cried out as Blair's hands found his swollen cock. Blair carefully drew Jim's boxers down, exposing the cock to his greedy eyes. Lightly stroking Jim with one hand, Blair pulled the bigger man's head down and captured his lips in a demanding kiss. Blair thrust his tongue into Jim's mouth, stroking it against his partner's in time with the motion of his hand on Jim's penis. The older man's hips began pushing forward, seeking Blair's touch. 

"Aahh, Chief... you don't... you don't have to... do this." Jim had his eyes clenched shut, sweat breaking out on his face. Blair smiled. 

"Okay." He let go and stepped back. Jim almost fell over at the sudden stop of the sensation. He opened his eyes in confusion and need. 

"Wha... Blair?" Blair smiled brightly at his partner. 

"Just kidding." He threw his towel to the side and fell to his knees in front of Jim, grasping his erection in a strong grip. Jim gasped and arched into the touch. Blair leaned forward and engulfed Jim's cock in one smooth movement. 

Jim almost came as he felt the moist heat surround his cock. He opened his eyes to find Blair on his knees in front of him, his mouth moving up and down the length of his erection. It was too much. Jim came with a scream. "Blair!" 

Blair felt Jim's body tense and then his mouth was flooded with the salty taste of his lover's cum. He savored this first taste and suckled Jim's penis till he was completely spent. Jim fell to his knees beside Blair. 

"My god, Chief... that was... wonderful... intense... I don't have words." Jim cursed himself for his inelegant speech. He wished he could tell Blair exactly what he felt, but he never could seem to find the words. Jim settled for taking Blair's lips in a hard kiss, pausing slightly as the taste of his own semen hit his lips. He licked Blair's lips finding the taste incredibly erotic. A mixture of himself and Blair. Jim reached down and grasped Blair's throbbing erection hesitantly. It felt strange to be holding another man's penis. Jim experimentally rolled his fingers over the head, feeling the precum coat his fingertips. Releasing Blair's mouth, he brought his hand up to his lips and sucked his finger into his mouth, tasting his guide. He heard Blair moan beside him as he watched Jim's actions. It tasted like nothing Jim had ever experienced before, it tasted like Blair. In disbelief, Jim felt himself begin to harden again. Reaching for Blair again, Jim was surprised when his partner caught his hand before it could reach its goal. Blair brought the hand up to his mouth and kissed it tenderly, looking into Jim's eyes. 

"Jim. You don't have to do this... I'm okay... If you're not ready yet..." Jim moved his hand to cup Blair's face and grasped Blair's cock with his other hand. 

"I'm ready, Blair... right now. Maybe not for everything but let me do this." Releasing Blair's cheek, Jim took his partner's hand and placed it on his reawakening cock. "Does this feel like I'm not ready?" Jim felt Blair's hand curl around his hardening erection and sighed. "That feels so good Chief... stroke me..." Jim stroked Blair in a firm grasp and felt Blair do the same. He heard Blair's breathing pick up as he got closer to orgasm. 

"Harder Jim... faster." Jim felt his own orgasm approaching as he stroked his partner, feeling the stiff flesh grow minutely harder then spasm, coating his hands. Blair cried out and in reflex clenched Jim's erection tightly. Jim exploded and collapsed against his spent partner. Both men lowered themselves to the floor, and lay there panting trying to regain their breath. Jim recovered enough to speak first. 

"Do you realize that we're laying on the floor in the middle of the kitchen?" Looking around, like he had just realized where they were, Blair started to laugh. 

"Oh man. Next time, we are just not going to fight it, then maybe we can avoid floor burn." Blair looked down at his reddened knees. Jim leaned over and kissed the red flesh. 

"I can't say I'm sorry, love. You make me do things that I never would have before." Jim smiled till he caught Blair's serious expression. "What is it, Blair?" 

"I would never make you do anything you didn't want to do, Jim." 

Jim laughed. "God, Blair. Don't take me so literally. I wanted this. I came twice in a half hour. I haven't done that since I was a teenager. You make me so hot I can't see straight. I wanted this, and soon I want much more. Okay?" 

Blair smiled slightly and nodded, hugging Jim. "Okay, big guy. I just get nervous cause I know you've never done this before and I don't want you to go too fast. It would kill me if I forced you before you were ready and ruined this." 

Jim squeezed Blair tightly. "First of all, you couldn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do. Second, I promise I won't do anything before I'm ready. And lastly, I love you, nothing is ever going to change that." Jim paused suddenly thinking of something. "Hey Chief, guess what?" 

"What?" Blair asked happily. 

"I didn't zone. Not even a little bit. Now that's progress." Blair's face broke into a blinding smile. 

"You didn't, did you? That's great, Jim!" Blair inexplicably felt tears well up in his eyes. Everything just might turn out okay after all. Jim jumped to his feet and pulled Blair up next to him. 

"How about we jump into the shower and get cleaned up? We only have a few minutes before we have to go meet Hall and I think breakfast is a washout anyway." Blair looked down at his cum streaked stomach and grimaced. 

"Yeah I think that would be wise. Come on, big guy. I'll wash your back." 

30 minutes later they were in the truck on their way to meet Hall. At 9am they pulled into the Harbour Diner parking lot. They could see the man from the day before through the window of the restaurant. He seemed to be looking down at something clutched in his hands. Jim zeroed in on the object. It was an old picture of Naomi and a boy -- obviously Blair. Jim scanned up to look at the man's face. He was alarmed by what he saw there. He saw only anger. Jim reached out and grabbed Blair's arm, stopping him from climbing out of the truck. 

"Blair, I don't think this is such a good idea." Blair stopped and leaned back against the seat, looking at Jim. 

"Why, Jim? What's up?" 

"Nothing really. He just looks so angry. I'm not sure it's safe for you to meet with him." Blair looked at Jim and rolled his eyes. 

"Jim, I'm meeting him in the middle of a crowded diner. You'll be sitting here where you can see and hear everything. I think I'm safe enough. The worst thing he can do to me is bring back a bunch of bad memories that I don't want to deal with." Jim knew Blair was right. He could be in the diner in a matter of seconds if Hall tried to pull anything, but he still felt uneasy. He saw Hall turn and see them sitting in the truck and reluctantly released Blair's arm. Jim stopped Blair as he leaned toward him, obviously wanting to kiss him. 

"He's watching us, Chief." Blair looked at him defiantly. 

"So what? I'm certainly not going to let that man stop me from kissing the person I love." Blair leaned forward again and Jim didn't stop him as he pressed his lips to his. Jim opened his mouth as Blair ran his tongue along his lips and the kiss deepened. Pulling back, Blair grinned at Jim's stunned expression. 

"There, that's better. I'll be right back." Blair tapped Jim's face with his hand and climbed out of the truck. Jim glanced over at Hall's red furious face and shivered. The man was obviously not happy to learn that his supposed son was gay. Jim decided that maybe waiting in the truck was not such a good idea. 

Walking into the restaurant, Blair waved off the waitress pointing to Hall to indicate he was with him. He walked over to the older man and slipped into the seat across from him. The man was looking at Blair, the distaste clear on his face. Blair took one look and started to get up. He did not need this. The man grabbed his arm. 

"Sit down." Blair just looked at the hand that held him. 

"Let go of my arm," he said calmly, not wanting to make a scene. He saw Jim enter the restaurant and look over at them. Blair decided to sit and pretend everything was okay. He didn't want Jim bouncing this guy's head off the wall. Blair sat back down. 

"Good boy. Good choice." Blair flinched at the condescending words. He fought his fear and revulsion towards the man. 

"What do you want, Hall? Make it fast." Blair scowled at the man, taking refuge in anger. 

Hall smirked at him. "Well now, the little waif tries to prove he's a man. Don't bother, sonny. I saw your little display in your sugar daddy's truck, I know just what you are. If only Naomi hadn't stolen you from me, I might have been able to make you into a real man, not some sort of fairy." The anger and scorn were evident in his words. Blair felt his anger rising. 

"Why don't you just shut up? You haven't got a clue what you're talking about. Naomi was a good mother and you never had any claim on me or her." 

"Ah, but I'm afraid I do. You are my son. Naomi stole you from me all those years ago and obviously turned you into the aberration of nature that I see before me. I'll make sure she pays for that, if it's the last thing I do. You belong to me, I can help you regain what she has taken from you and from me." Blair looked at him, seriously considering that this man was insane. What was he even talking about? 

"Listen, Hall. I'll say this once. You are not my father. You have nothing I want or need. Stay away from me and stay away from my mom. You see that man over there?" Blair pointed to Jim seated at the counter watching them. "He is a detective at the Cascade Police Department. His best friend is a Captain. If you so much as look at my mom or myself he'll make sure you pay for it. Do you understand me?" The older man smiled coldly as he stared at Jim. 

"He's part of your problem, son. Don't you understand? You've been led astray. You haven't had the opportunity to learn right from wrong and others have taken advantage of that. He is evil, like your mother. I can help you. I can make you understand what they've done to you. You are my son, I can still fix this." The man stared intently Blair. Blair decided this conversation was getting him absolutely nowhere. This man was obviously nuts. 

"I don't think so, Hall. You don't seem to understand. I am not broken, I don't need to be fixed. I love my mom, I love Jim, I love my life. You have no place here. Stay away from me and my family." Hall grabbed Blair's arm in a bruising grip as Blair stood to leave. 

"It's you who doesn't understand, little boy. You belong to me and I intend to take back what's mine." The man growled the words, leaving no doubt as to his sincerity. Blair felt Jim come to stand beside him. 

"Let go of his arm, Hall, or I'll have you up on charges of assault and you'll be back in jail before sundown." Jim spoke harshly, his hand behind his back on his gun. Hall let go of Blair's arm and leaned back in the seat. 

"How do you think the rest of your cop buddies will react when I tell them what a pervert you are, Ellison? I was a cop once, I know how it is. I'll bet you would lose your so called friends pretty fast once they knew how much you like to be fucked, huh? I remember once, when I was still on the force, one of the cops came out. Well, a bunch of us got together and taught him a lesson good. He lost his taste for having something up his ass pretty fast. The coward didn't even press charges. Maybe your 'friends' would like to teach you that lesson too." The man laughed in Jim's face. Blair blanched and felt Jim tense and step toward the repulsive man. He grabbed Jim's arm and whispered very quietly. 

"No, Jim. He's just trying to provoke you into doing something. Let's go." Blair was relieved when Jim allowed himself to be pulled away. They heard Hall laughing behind them all the way to the truck. 

Jim pulled over after they had driven a few blocks and hit his hand against the steering wheel with enough force that Blair winced. 

"God damn son of a bitch!" Jim hit the steering wheel again then took a deep breath trying to calm down. He looked over at Blair and was struck by the frightened look on his face. Jim softened immediately and moved over next to the young man, wrapping his arms around him. 

"God, I'm sorry, Blair. Are you okay?" Blair pressed his face against Jim's chest, his arms curled around his partner's back. 

"Yeah, he just kinda freaked me out. All that talk about fixing me and taking care of Naomi. Scary guy." Blair's arms tightened around Jim. "What if he was serious, Jim? I've got to talk to my mom. Maybe she can tell me who this guy is." Jim held Blair for another minute before releasing him. 

"You're right, Blair. Naomi might be able to shed some light on this asshole. Do you know where to reach her?" Blair nodded. 

"I think so, it might take a couple of days though." 

"Until then, just make sure you stay clear of that guy." Jim moved back and restarted the truck. 

"You don't have to tell me that, Jim. I'm staying far away from him. Do you think he'll really tell everyone at the station about us?" Worry was clear in Blair's voice. 

"I don't know, Chief. If he does, we'll deal with it. Simon already knows and he's cool with it, I think most of my friends will stand by us. Don't you?" 

"I hope so, Jim. I was just hoping for a bit more time to work things out between us, before everyone else knew." Jim nodded seriously. 

"Me too, Chief, but they'll all find out sooner or later. Either way, we'll have to deal with it." Blair smiled at Jim. He was such a 'matter of fact' kind of guy. 

"You're right, Jim. I think we should tell Simon what just happened though, so he can be prepared just in case." 

Jim pulled into the police station. "I think we had better tell him in any case, since that guy threatened you. I want to know more about this Hall guy and why he feels that you're his son. I think the first thing we should do is a little research into his and your time in Bangor." 

"A good place to start," Blair agreed. Feeling a bit scared of what he might find out, Blair followed Jim into the police station. 

Jim and Blair immediately went to Simon's office. The Captain gestured for them to sit and settled in to hear the news. They filled the Captain in on their meeting with Hall. 

"This disturbs me." Simon shook his head after they had finished their story. "I called in a few favors and found out the reason that Hall left the police department." 

"Which is?" Blair prompted. 

"He was fired. It seems that he had several complaints filed against him for police brutality. Off the record, I found out that there was concern over his mental stability. Things seemed to come to a head when his wife ran off with their son." Simon paused for a moment to let that sink in before continuing. "When that happened, he seemed to lose it. He filed a missing person's report and kidnapping charges against his wife. The longer he was unable to find them, the worse he became. It got so bad, no one would ride with him. Intense mood swings and violent behavior. Internal Affairs started an investigation resulting in his termination. He never found his wife, though there were a couple of close calls. The person I talked to said that even after he was fired, he came down to the station every week for five years, demanding that they find his child. He was enraged, obsessed. You know the rest." 

"Simon, who was his wife?" Blair knew the answer but felt he had to ask the question anyway. 

"Naomi. You are listed as his son. The birth certificate is real, on file in Bangor. I'm sorry, Blair." Blair stood and began pacing. 

"No, Simon. It's not right. I know this guy is not my father. It feels wrong." Simon and Jim shared a concerned look. Blair caught the look and faced them furiously. 

"What you're telling me here is Naomi knew all these years who my father was. She took me and ran from him, which is why we've been moving around so much. She hid the truth from me my entire life, even after I was an adult. It's not true. I would feel it, if he were my father." He wound down and collapsed in the chair. Jim sat beside him, taking his hand. "Look, Blair. If Naomi did take you and run, she obviously had a good reason. Your memories tell you that. She was protecting you." Blair sighed and nodded. 

"I know, Jim. I've got to talk to my mom. I just don't want it to be true." Blair stood. "I'm going to use your phone and try to track down Naomi, okay?" Jim nodded and watched as Blair left the office, shoulders slumped. Simon swore. 

[Concluded in part two](pastmemories_a.html).


	2. Chapter 2

Due to length, this story has been split into two parts.

## Past Memories, Present Fear

by Mia Athlas

Disclaimers and notes can be found in part one. 

* * *

Past Memories, Present Fear - part two  
by Mia Athlas 

"Damn, this is hard on the kid, isn't it?" 

"Yeah, Simon. After all these years, not knowing who his father was, I think he had built him up in his mind. Some sort of heroic image. To be faced with this as his reality is hard to take." Jim got up to go to Blair. "He'll be okay. He just needs a little time and some answers from Naomi." Jim made his way out to his desk. 

Blair left messages for Naomi at several places. He was confident he'd hear back from her in the next day or so. Blair didn't have to be at the University until one so that gave them a few hours to finish up Jim's paperwork. They worked silently, each man lost in his thoughts. At noon they headed out for a nice lunch and Jim dropped Blair at the loft so that he could take his car to the University. They parted with a quick, covert kiss, Blair promising to meet Jim at the station at six. 

Four and a half hours later Blair looked down at his watch, he was supposed to meet Jim in fifteen minutes. He jumped into his car and headed for the police station. It only took him ten minutes to get there. Glancing over at the station entrance, he saw Jim climb out of his truck, just as he pulled up to the curb. The young man smiled at their excellent timing. As he watched, a van pulled up beside Jim. Before he knew what was happening, his partner had been dragged into the van and the van was speeding away. Blair sat stunned for a split second before throwing his car in gear and speeding after the fleeing van. He concentrated on keeping the vehicle in sight. Pushing down his fear for his partner, he followed. What were they doing to him? Who were they? Blair cursed the fact that he had left his cell phone in his office. He would just have to follow until they stopped, then find a phone and call Simon. 

"Please be okay, Jim," Blair whispered. He didn't know how he would survive it if something happened to his partner. 

* * *

Jim struggled with his captors as they pulled him into the van. He was overpowered and helpless as they held him down and quickly tied his hands. They refused to tell him what was going on. His attempts to question them were met with a swift backhand across the face and an order to shut up. Jim learned quickly, choosing instead to study the men that held him. The driver was young, maybe 20, fresh faced and platinum blond. He didn't look like he belonged with the other men. The others looked like guns for hire. Strong, angry, no nonsense men. Jim was worried. He was outnumbered and no way to save himself was evident. He was especially alarmed by the smirking, dark-haired man that sat next to him. He had taken great pleasure in groping Jim's groin while tying him up. The only saving grace to this situation was that Blair was not here. He was safe and would be at the station by now, worrying over where Jim was. Jim concentrated on thoughts of Blair and trying to keep track of the turns that the van made, just in case he was able to escape. 

Jim was shocked and repulsed as he felt the dark haired man slip his hand down the back of his pants, probing for his anus with a finger. He didn't actually penetrate him. He seemed content to run his finger up and down the crease, brushing the entrance to Jim's body. Jim shoved back, as hard as he could, and the man lost his balance hitting his head against the side of the van. One of the other men had seen what the guy was doing and called him a pervert. Jim had never been so grateful as when the man pulled his hand free and slapped him. Tasting the blood on his lip, his relief was short lived as another of the men leaned over and whispered to the first. 

"Don't worry, we'll all have our piece of him later. Don't let Webber fool you, he'll drive into him harder than any of us, when the time comes." Jim closed his eyes, wishing that he were anywhere but there. 

* * *

Each time the van slowed, Blair feared that the doors would open and his partner's lifeless body would be thrown out. Eventually, the van pulled into an old junk yard, surrounded by a high fence. Blair pulled to a stop, watching from afar as Jim was pushed out of the van, hands tied behind his back. He fell into the gravel but immediately struggled to his feet. Blair almost cried in relief. He was still alive. Blair gripped the steering wheel and forced himself to stay put as a large dark-haired man punched Jim in the stomach, causing the Sentinel to fall to his knees. The men grabbed Jim and hauled him to his feet, dragging him into a large, barn like building. 

Blair threw his car in gear and sped towards the convenience store he had spotted a few miles back down the road. He pushed down the feeling that he was deserting his partner. Intellectually, he realized that he was unarmed and had little hope of helping against the six men he had seen entering the building. Emotionally, his heart cried out for him to go to Jim, now, before it was too late. Blair struggled to control his feelings. He needed to call Simon. Then he would return and try to stop, or at least slow down, whatever their plans were for his partner. Pushing the accelerator down further, Blair pleaded with his car to move faster. 

* * *

The van stopped and the men tossed him out of the van. Jim landed on the ground... hard, the gravel digging into his shoulders as he rolled to take the impact. Refusing to let them humble him, Jim struggled to his feet and stared at them defiantly. They were going to kill him -- maybe worse; he would not let them have the satisfaction of seeing his fear. His stubbornness seemed to anger the men. Tightening his stomach muscles, Jim took the punch he saw coming. Already weakened by his previous injuries, the fist sent him to his knees. He stayed there, gasping for air. The groper grabbed Jim's arm angrily, then he was dragged to his feet and pushed into the large warehouse. 

He stumbled, as they shoved him, but managed to stay on his feet. He looked around the area searching for something that he could use, given the chance. One of the men noticed his eyes searching the area and laughed. Jim turned to him, letting him see the hate in his eyes. 

"So, you still think you're getting out of this, Ellison." Jim blinked, the man knew his name. No possibility that this was not aimed directly at him now. The man moved in front of Jim, gesturing to a couple of the others. Jim felt his arms grasped and held in crushing grips. He showed them nothing. 

"I'm going to tell you what's going to happen so that there is no misunderstanding. We're going to kill you today. It won't be fast, and it won't be painless. In fact, it will be very slow and you will wish you were dead many times before you are allowed to die. First, we need to get you in the proper state of mind, before we help ourselves to your ass." The man ran his hand down Jim's chest twisting his nipple painfully through his shirt. "Have you ever been to a gang bang, Ellison? By the time we're done, you'll be able to drive a truck up your ass." The man twisted Jim's nipple again cruelly. Jim stared straight ahead, unflinching. 

"So, you think you're tough. We'll see how tough you are after we've softened you up a bit, cop." The man gestured again to the others holding him and Jim felt them remove his bonds long enough to reposition his hands. He struggled and managed to get in a couple of good shots before being overpowered. His hands were tied together in front of him and hoisted up to be tied to a pipe running above his head. His feet were tied together, he was effectively helpless. 

"Shit," Jim said softly. He closed his eyes and thought of Blair while he waited, wishing he could run his fingers through the younger man's curls one more time. He felt sad that he wasn't going to have the chance to fully love him. Instead, Blair would be faced with his brutalized body. Jim knew that if these men raped him he could not live with it, even if they planned to let him live, which they obviously had no intention of doing. He wished he could tell Blair he loved him, before he died. Jim felt a knife cutting away his clothes. They wasted no time and soon he was naked. Jim clenched his jaw and waited for the first blow. They would not make him cry out. 

The men circled him like a pack of wolves, coming in from all sides. The blows began to fall with a numbing fierceness. He felt several different fists hit him. Through the pain, he vaguely thought that Blair would want to know that he could distinguish the different fists. He felt his stitches open as one man concentrated on his wounded leg. Blood ran freely down his leg, dripping onto the floor below. Jim gritted his teeth and found his dial, turning his sense of touch down as far as he dared. Even then, he could still feel the pain as the fists hit over and over again. The men were laughing, taunting him with his coming rape. Arguing between blows over who would go first, discussing what they would do when it was their turn. Jim felt bile rising in his throat and forced it down. They would not break him. He had endured so much, he could endure this final torture. Jim counted the blows, as it became harder and harder to stand up. He felt a rib crack. Still, he stayed silent. Finally, the blows stopped. 

Jim knew, in his mind, that not much time had passed, but he felt as if the beating had lasted for days. Even with his sense of touch turned down, he could feel the pain of his bruises and split skin. He heard a faint hum start and tried to sort out his senses long enough to identify the sound. 

"I don't know if this is such a good idea." One of the men argued with the others. "Look at him, I don't know if he can take it. I don't want to kill him before we fulfill our contract. You know what the boss said, he has to be aware for the rape." 

"Shut up, you stupid fuck! We've set it up and we're going to use it. It's not going to kill him. It's just going to hurt like a son of a bitch." The man laughed and others joined in. Jim was suddenly drenched with water. Dripping, he turned his sense of hearing up in an attempt to identify the strange noise. He concentrated, he should know this. It came to him in an instant --a power source...electricity. Jim had time to think, 'oh shit' before the first current hit him. His back arched and he involuntarily cried out as the current surged through his body. The men laughed and ran the paddles down his back, ignoring his twisting and straining body. Jim's teeth snapped together sharply as he was hit again and again by the jolts of electricity. When the punishment finally stopped he hung in his bonds. Jim struggled to raise his head. His back and chest were on fire. The leader of the group grabbed his chin, lifting his head to look into his glazed eyes. 

"Yeah, I think he's ready for part two of our little game. I don't think Detective Ellison will be putting up much of a fight to defend his honor." The man laughed and cut Jim down with his knife. Jim fell to the floor, unable to stand. He felt himself rolled onto his stomach and heard zippers being undone. Searching for the pain and grasping it, he turned his sense of touch up until it overran his other senses. Gratefully losing himself in the pain, he zoned. 

* * *

Blair called Simon, panic overtaking him. After telling Simon where he was and begging him to hurry, Blair ran to his car heading back to the junk yard. He pulled up to the fence and jumped out, searching for a way in. The fence was at least 8 feet tall with a very generous section of barbed wire at the top. He had been gone for 40 minutes. 40 minutes. Jim could be dead by now. Blair pushed the thought down and climbed the fence. He threw his jacket over the barbed wire at the top, cursing as his pants were snagged in his haste. Blair pulled himself free, ignoring the ripping sound as his jeans were torn. He struggled over the fence, dropping to the other side and carefully approached the building where Jim had been taken. Blair struggled to control himself as he heard the the laughter of several men. Oh, my God. Jim. Blair moaned and ran the rest of the way to the building. He heard sirens in the distance and prayed for them to hurry. Hearing a nasty voice comment on how Jim couldn't defend his honor he burst through the doors, taking in the shocked expressions of the men surrounding Jim. The sirens were growing loud behind him as his eyes found the bloody body of his partner. Blair gasped and snarled at the men. 

"Those sirens are for you. Get away from him!" Blair heard the police cars come to a screeching halt, on the other side of the fence. The men seemed to consider their options then, like the cowards they were, turned and fled toward the back door of the warehouse. Blair moaned in pain and ran to the still form of his Sentinel, falling to his knees beside him. He reached down to touch Jim but pulled his hand back, afraid to hurt him more. His body was covered in dark bruised flesh and split skin. Blair moaned out loud for his partner and gently turned Jim's face toward him. His eyes were open but not focused. The guide recognized the signs of a zone out. He leaned forward, careful not to touch Jim's bruises, and knelt down beside the bigger man, his face close. 

"Jim," Blair whispered, "Jim, come on, big guy. You've got to come back to me, now. You're safe. It's alright, please come back." Blair leaned forward and kissed his cheek. Prying his cold lips apart, he delved into his partner's mouth, stroking his tongue with his own. He pulled back as he felt Jim stir. Jim's eyes focused on the young man for a moment. 

"Blair," he rasped before slipping into unconsciousness. Blair fought the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes, as he stared down at the nude, battered body of his Sentinel. He knelt beside his partner, until he felt a hand on his shoulder. Uncaring about the unshed tears in his eyes, he looked up into the concerned and shocked face of Taggart. 

"I want to hold him but I'm afraid to touch him. I don't want to hurt him." Blair cried out as he stroked Jim's face. Taggart drew Blair away as the paramedics arrived and began working on the detective's injuries. Simon burst through the door, blanching as he caught sight of Jim's nude, beaten form. He made his way over to where Blair stood, staring as the paramedics worked on his partner. 

"Sandburg." Simon caught Blair's arm. "What happened here?" Turning toward the Captain, Blair spoke in a soft anguished tone. 

"I don't know, Simon. I saw them grab Jim and tried to keep them in sight till I could call you. I left him to this. I let them do this!" Blair's voice began to rise. Simon grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the other police officers. 

"Stop it, right now, Blair. This is not your fault." 

"But, Simon, they...beat him. They were talking about...raping him." Blair said the last words very quietly. "God only knows what they did to him before they beat him." Blair started shaking at the thought. "I should never have left. He wouldn't have left me. What have I done?" Blair put his face in his hands rocking back and forth. Simon grasped his hands pulling them away from his white face. 

"You listen to me, Sandburg. I'll tell you what would have happened if you had come in here, without calling me. They would have grabbed you, probably raped you AND Jim and left your dead bodies behind. Do you understand?" Simon tried to get through to the young man. He had done the right thing. "You saved Jim's life here, today. Don't ever doubt that. He's strong, he'll survive the beating and whatever else they may have done to him." Simon put his hand on Blair's cheek, forcing him to look at him. "You have to pull yourself together, Blair. Jim will survive this but he's going to need you. He's going to need you to be strong for him. You know how he hates anyone to see any weakness in him. This is going to be tough. It will be hard for him to accept that others saw him this way, and what they will assume happened." Blair took a deep breath. Simon was right, Jim needed him and he wouldn't let him down again. 

"You're right, Simon. I need to be there for Jim." Blair followed the paramedics as they carried Jim to the ambulance, climbing in after them. Simon stared after him, shaking his head. He had a feeling that Blair didn't understand what he had been trying to say. Taggart came over to stand by Simon. 

* * *

"The paramedics said that they think Jim will be okay. Is the kid alright?" Simon watched the ambulance pull away. 

"I hope so, Taggart. I hope so." 

* * *

Blair sat beside his partner's hospital bed. His fault. He couldn't back up Jim like he deserved. His lack of training had led to this. If Simon had been there, he would have gone in guns blazing and Jim wouldn't be here. In this bed. Unmoving. The young man choked back his tears as he looked down into the peaceful face of his friend. The bruises stood out against his pale skin. Old and new. Avoiding the bruised flesh, Blair reached over and lay a hand on his partner's face, cupping his cheek. 

"Why do we always seem to end up here?" Blair pulled his hand back and rested his forehead on the edge of the bed. He heard the door open and bolted upright. 

"Take it easy, Sandburg." Simon walked over to Blair, handing him a cup of coffee. He accepted the cup, not really wanting it. 

"Thanks, Simon." 

"Has he been awake yet?" The captain gestured to Jim. 

"No..." His voice broke slightly, his emotions barely contained. Taking Blair's cup, Simon moved behind him and placed both cups on the nightstand. 

"He's okay, Blair. There's no reason to think he won't be all right." Simon put his hands on Blair's shoulders, squeezing slightly. Blair took a deep, unsteady breath. 

"I know, Simon. I just won't feel it till he wakes up." Blair was startled to feel Simon begin to gently massage his stiff shoulders. He felt the tension in his back ease slightly with the captain's ministrations and leaned back into his touch with a soft sigh. 

"Just relax, Blair. Jim will be fine. We have two of the men who did this in custody. We'll have our answers soon." Blair felt the captain's grip tighten at the words and winced. 

"Easy Simon. I'm not a suspect, you know." Simon smiled and went back to his gentle massage. 

"Sorry, Sandburg. I just hate to see any of my men hurt, especially Jim." Simon looked over Blair's shoulder at the still form of the Sentinel. Jim had somehow become one of his closest friends. He couldn't remember exactly when it had happened. It was a gradual thing. In many ways, he and Ellison were very similar. Their friendship had only grown stronger when Sandburg made an appearance. Jim had mellowed, become less closed off and harsh. Simon knew neither of them made friends easily. The job took up most of their time...their life, actually. There wasn't a lot of time left over for friends, family or lovers. He sighed. That didn't seem to be a problem for Jim any longer. He was happy for his friends -- yes, he did count Blair among his friends now. He couldn't help but feel a bit more isolated by the news, though. He was still alone. 

Simon chuckled at himself for his bout of self pity. Feeling sorry for himself was definitely not his style and Jim and Blair had far worse troubles right now. 

"Better now, Sandburg?" he asked, feeling Blair begin to relax a bit, though he noticed the young man didn't relinquish his hold on Jim's hand. 

Blair tilted his head back and looked up at the captain. "Yeah, Simon, thanks man." They both froze as the man in the bed stirred. Jim groggily opened his eyes. 

"Blair?" he whispered. Blair leaned forward bringing himself into his partner's line of sight. 

"I'm here, Jim..." Blair's voice broke. "Thank God you're awake." He finally let his tears go, his vision blurring as he smiled down at the big man in relief. 

Jim looked up weakly at his partner. Concern filled his face as he felt a hot tear drop onto his cheek, tracing a path down his neck. 

"I'm all right, Chief." Jim put all his energy into the words. He brought a hand up slowly to brush the tears from the younger man's face. Blair drew in a shaky breath. 

"I know, Jim. I'm just so relieved. I've kinda got used to having you around, you know? I don't think that I could take it if anything happened to you." 

"I'm right here, Chief." Blair stared at Jim for a moment before gently laying his head onto Jim's bruised chest, his hands clenched in the blanket. He began to cry brokenly. 

"I'm...s-so sorry...Jim...I should n-never have...left you there. It's all my fault. They could have...killed you..." Putting his arms around the younger man, Jim looked in confusion to Simon. The captain shook his head and explained. 

"Sandburg here has been blaming himself for all this." Jim felt Blair's tears wet his hospital gown. 

"Why, Simon? How could this possibly be his fault?" 

"Sandburg saw those guys grab you at the station. He followed, and when they took you into the warehouse, he high-tailed it to the nearest phone to call for backup." 

"Okay. So, what's the problem?" 

"He seems to have convinced himself that he shouldn't have left you with them. That he deserted you to be hurt." Jim gazed down at the curly head resting on his chest. The young man had quieted. 

"Blair?" 

"I'm sorry, Jim," Blair whispered. "I'm so stupid sometimes. They could have killed you and I let it happen." He didn't move from his position as he spoke. 

"Blair, look at me." Jim released his hold on his guide. He felt Blair shake his head. 

"Blair, calm down and look at me, right now." Blair responded to his partner's assertive tone. He raised his head and gazed into Jim's gentle eyes. 

The Sentinel sighed as Blair looked at him dejectedly, waiting for him to speak. The young man's sad expression and watery eyes broke Jim's heart. 

"I'm okay, I'm here, you're here. The only reason I'm not dead right now is you had the presence of mind not to rush into an impossible situation. You thought it through and did the only thing that had any chance of saving my life." Jim paused considering his words carefully. "Those guys weren't fooling around. They meant to hurt me, rape me and kill me." He ignored the shaking hand that gripped his arm tightly. "You are the only thing that saved me from that. I would be dead if you hadn't backed me up...if you hadn't taken the smart choice." He had to force himself to continue. It wasn't easy for him to talk like this. "I'm not sure I would have made the same choice if our positions had been reversed. If you had been taken instead of me, we would both be dead right now." Jim wrapped his arms back around the smaller man, holding him tightly. "You did exactly the right thing. Don't ever doubt that. You saved my life." 

"Really?" Blair asked the question in a low voice. 

"Definitely." Blair seemed to accept that. He stayed in Jim's arms for a few minutes before pulling back, embarrassed by his outburst. Running a hand nervously through his hair, he turned to face Simon. 

"Sorry, Simon. I can't believe I lost it like that in front of you." Simon smiled at the young man. 

"Don't worry about it, Sandburg. It's been a trying couple of days." Blair smiled gratefully before turning back to Jim. 

"How are you feeling, Jim?" 

"I'm fine, Blair. Where are my clothes? I want to get out of here." Jim began struggling to sit up, looking around the room for his clothes. He managed to get about half the way up before the world started spinning. Feeling nauseous, he fell back, landing heavily on the bed. Simon moved to the opposite side of the bed to Blair and put a hand on Jim's shoulder. 

"You're not going anywhere, Ellison. In case you don't remember, in the last 48 hours you've been almost strangled, stabbed, beaten, and shocked. You are in no shape to go traipsing back to the loft. Also, the doctor wants you here till at least tomorrow night so that he can be sure there will be no ill effects from the electrical shock. Understand?" 

Jim nodded weakly, not sure he could make it to the door anyway. 

"Good," Simon continued. "I've posted a couple of officers outside your door so you can rest easy." He put his hand on Jim's forehead for a moment. "Take it easy, Jim. This one was closer than I'd like to admit." He pulled his hand away and strode to the door, calling over his shoulder, "I expect you to see that he does what he's told, Sandburg." 

As Simon left the room he heard Blair flippantly call out behind him, "Yes, Herr Captain!" Simon grinned but didn't respond. He was glad that Blair was getting back to his normal annoying self. 

Blair collapsed into the chair beside the bed, staring at Jim. "Oh man, what a day." 

Jim struggled to keep his eyes open. He still needed more information. "Do we know who those guys were, Blair?" 

The young man shook his head. "So far, they're not talking. The two men that they have at the station, have mercenary backgrounds. Simon thinks that his might be payback for interfering with the hit on the mayor." 

Jim nodded and closed his eyes, feeling sleep overcome him. His cheek twitched as his mind was suddenly flooded by the images and sensations of the attack. The details played out in his mind: fists connecting repeatedly with his body, twisted faces explaining in explicit detail how they intended on using his battered body, the mind numbing pain as the current entering sensitized flesh, the panic as they cut him down and he could not move to defend himself, falling helpless to the floor, hearing the zippers being pulled down and the obscene jokes of the men, knowing exactly what was coming next as he chose to fade away. Breathing hard, Jim's eyes flew open. Blair was by his side in an instant. 

"Jim, what is it? What can I do?" Blair was scared by his partner's obvious distress. His face was white, his eyes wild. He didn't seem to be able to catch his breath. "Do you need a doctor?" Jim grasped the younger man's arm and shook his head. 

"No...just got...caught off guard there...for a minute..." He gasped out the words, afraid that Blair would get the doctor if he stayed silent. He didn't want anyone to see him like this. It was bad enough with Blair being there. "Just need...a minute." 

Blair finally realized that Jim -- his large, strong, stoic partner -- was having a panic attack. Blair knew the experience well but never expected that Jim would be susceptible to such a thing. He decided to try the one thing that always made him feel better. He gently climbed into the bed beside the larger man, carefully avoiding jarring his injuries. He flung his leg over the top of Jim's and put his arms around him. Blair tried to enfold as much of Jim as he could into himself and held on tight. He could feel the large body shaking in his arms and pulled his partner's head to his chest, cradling him. When the shaking subsided and his breathing had evened out, Blair began to pull away. He stopped as Jim's arms came around him. 

"No Blair...can you just hold me like this for a while?" Blair felt Jim's hot skin against his own from the older man's blush as he made the request. 

"Sure Jim. As long as you need me." 

"You sure...that could be a very long time." 

"Try to sleep, Jim. I'll be here." He felt his partner snuggle closer and relax into sleep. 

Blair stayed with him, holding on tightly, concentrating on how lucky he was to have this man, until he too fell into an exhausted sleep. 

"Mr. Sandburg. Mr. Sandburg, please!" Blair woke and looked up at the annoyed doctor standing beside the bed. "Mr. Sandburg, this is not appropriate behavior! I'm going to have to ask you to leave the hospital." The young doctor spoke the words crossly. 

Blair blinked up at the man sleepily. "What?" 

"You shouldn't be 'sleeping' with Mr. Ellison, here. He's still recovering and this is a hospital. I honestly don't know what's wrong with you people." The doctor said the last part quietly as if he was talking to himself but obviously intending for Blair to hear. Blair woke completely, feeling anger flow through him. Gently, he extricated himself from the sleeping man's arms and took his time getting out of the bed. Finally, he stood and gestured to the doctor to follow him out of the room. With a long suffering sigh, the doctor did as he asked. Blair nodded at the two uniformed men standing outside the door and smiled briefly at Brown who was sitting across the hall reading the paper. After crossing to the other side of the hall, he turned to face the doctor, hands on his hips, his face angry. 

"Just what do you think you were doing in there?" The doctor obviously decided that attack was the best course of action. 

"Me?!" Blair said in disbelief. "Why you pompous asshole, where do you get off dictating to me what is appropriate behavior?" Blair stepped up to the six foot doctor, refusing to back down. "Mr. Ellison is my partner and I will comfort him any way I see fit. Got it? The only place where we want or need your input is if he were in danger medically, which he was not. You can keep your snide comments and rude looks to yourself." The doctor looked down at Blair with a smirk on his face. 

"I suggest you calm down Mr. Sandburg. You're causing a scene. I don't think that I have any choice but to have security escort you from the building." 

Blair stopped for a moment. Escort him from the building? He couldn't leave Jim, especially not with the older man still sleeping. He wouldn't know where he went, he had promised to be with him as long as he needed him there. Blair opened his mouth to talk but didn't as he felt Brown come up beside him. 

"Do you have a problem here, Sandburg?" Brown faced the young doctor with a wary gaze. The doctor looked down at Brown's badge on his belt then back up to his angry face. He began to think that he might have made an error in judgment by taunting the long-haired man. 

"No thanks, Brown. I can handle this bigot myself." Blinking at the term 'bigot', Brown stepped back, making sure he stayed close enough to help in case Blair needed him. The young man faced the doctor. 

"I'm going to say this once, 'doctor'. You see those men?" Blair gestured to Brown, the two uniformed officers and a confused Rafe who was just returning with coffee. "These men are friends of Detective Ellison and myself. There is no way I'm leaving here without my partner and I think that if you try to make me, these officers will help me out." Blair looked nervously at the men around him. He hoped that what he had just said was the truth. 

Brown spoke up. "Damn straight, Sandburg." Rafe nodded, as did the other two officers. Blair smiled briefly at them in gratitude. 

"Now, let me tell you what's going to happen. I'm going in to stay with my partner until he is released. You are not to go near him. I don't trust that you will give him the proper care, considering your obvious hang-ups. I don't know what insanity made you think that you could get away with treating me or Detective Ellison like dirt, but I intend to bring your attitude to the attention of your supervisor." 

The doctor sputtered indignantly, looking down at Blair and the way he was dressed. He spoke softly, so that the police officers around him couldn't hear. 

"When I saw you clinging to that cop when they brought him in, it was obvious what you were. I had to force myself to even touch the man, no telling what diseases he is carrying." The doctor spit out the words. "As if my supervisor would believe you, he wouldn't give a little faggot shit like you the time of day." Blair desperately fought the urge to punch the doctor in his repulsive face. 

"Well, I'm sure I can convince Carl that Sandburg here is a reliable source of information." A voice spoke from behind the doctor, who wheeled around in dismay. He stared at the man he knew to be the Captain of Major Crimes at the Cascade PD and good friend to the Chief of Staff of the Cascade General Hospital. Simon was standing close to the doctor, close enough to have overheard all that he had said. 

"Yes, I'm sure that Carl would be more than happy to chat with Sandburg. How's one o'clock, Blair? That's when I usually meet him for lunch." The doctor spread his hands and turned back to Blair, smiling apologetically. The smile didn't reach his eyes. 

"Mr. Sandburg, surely you know that this is all a misunderstanding. I was only concerned with you, unknowingly of course, worsening Detective Ellison's condition. You can never be too careful, you know." The doctor spoke warmly at Blair. The young man shuddered at the pathetically fake performance. 

"Not good enough, Doctor. Please have Mr. Ellison reassigned to another doctor until his release. I'll be with my partner." Blair pushed past the obnoxious man and walking into Jim's room. The young doctor turned to follow him, to try to do some damage control. After a quick gesture from Simon, he found his way blocked by the two uniformed officers. 

Simon stepped closer to the doctor. "I suggest you do as Sandburg says." The doctor glanced furtively around, looking for an ally, then finding none, strode away angrily. 

Blair walked over to Jim's bed and sat down on the edge, not surprised to find its occupant awake and alert. 

"You okay, Blair?" Jim asked, taking his partner's hand in his own. 

"Yeah, I'm fine, big guy. That idiot was just such an asshole." Blair felt his anger and frustration fading with Jim's soothing presence. 

"He'll be one of many Blair. There's a lot of discrimination, out there. Especially in the department." Jim spoke seriously, wanting the young man to fully understand what they were up against. 

Blair smiled down at Jim. He was obviously feeling better, already trying to take care of him. "I know, Jim. It just burns my butt. I'm the one familiar with the territory, remember? I can deal with the occasional bigot, our real friends will still be our friends." He unconsciously rubbed Jim's hand. "The real question is are 'you' ready for this? You stand to lose a lot, it'll be very difficult at first." 

Jim tugged at Blair's hands, bringing him closer. He leaned up and kissed him gently before pulling the young man down, into a loose embrace. He spoke directly into his partner's ear. 

"Blair, for every difficult patch and every loss, what I gain is so much... more. More than I have words to say. I'm ready." 

* * *

Blair walked into the loft feeling as if he had been away for a month rather than a day. Leaning against the door in exhaustion, he tossed his keys into the basket. The blinking light on the answering machine caught his eye. Ignoring it, he wearily crossed the room to grab a beer from the fridge. It would be a couple of hours before he could return to the hospital to pick up Jim. Blair sighed. The young doctor had reluctantly complied with his wishes and Jim had been checked out by another --entirely more pleasant -- physician. 

He leaned against the fridge, and cooled his forehead with the frosty bottle. Thankfully, his partner did not have any internal injuries from the beating. A couple of cracked ribs and a multitude of bruising -- he'd been lucky. Only the wound on his leg, which had reopened, required stitches. All in all, his injuries, while very painful, would heal. Blair let out a breath of relief and slowly slid his back down the fridge until he was sitting on the floor. Putting his beer bottle down beside him, he bent his knees and leaned forward, resting his head in his arms. 

"Damn," he said as he felt his eyes fill. He was alone now, he was free to give into his emotions. Blair rocked a bit as he cried, finally letting go of his fear for Jim's life and his own sense of guilt. 

After a few minutes he leaned back, wiping the wetness from his face with a soggy sleeve. Enough. Jim was fine, he was okay. Not only was he okay, he loved him. Blair smiled at the thought. It was going to be a long and often difficult road, but they would be together. They could endure anything to be together. Blair pulled himself to his feet, purposefully striding to his old room. He emerged seconds later towel in hand and headed for the shower. 

An hour later, Blair had showered, dressed, packed a change of clothes for Jim and was feeling halfway human again. 

He was just coming back downstairs with the freshly packed bag for his partner, when someone knocked on the door. Throwing the bag on the couch, Blair approached the door cautiously. It was probably just the officer Simon had insisted on sending home with him. 

"Who is it?" 

"Blair, it's your father. We need to talk, son." Blair felt his heart rate spike and fought the urge to laugh at the words. The voice spoke softly and calmly from the other side of the door. Damn that man. Couldn't he just leave him alone? Blair strode to the door determined to have it out once and for all with Hall. Ignoring the frantic pounding in his chest he pulled the door open and glared at the older man. 

"What?! I said all that I had to say to you yesterday. What are you doing here?" Blair paused, suddenly uncomfortable. "How did you know where I lived?" Smirking, the older man pushed Blair back and stepped into the loft, closing the door behind him. 

"I followed you from the hospital," he replied smugly. Blair backed up as Hall advanced, his manner menacing. 

"What do you want?" Blair judged the distance to his room, wondering if he should make a break for it. Hall noticed the glance and shook his head. He pulled a large hunting knife out of a sheath on his belt and held it up for the young man to see. 

"Oh, no. You're coming with me son. I don't want to hurt you but I will if I have to. I'd rather see you dead than with that...that..." He seemed to struggle for an appropriately hateful word. "With that...pillow biting pervert. No son of mine will live in such depravity." His voice turned enticing. "All you need is some proper guidance to get you on the right track." Blair stared at the man in disbelief, realising that he was truly insane. 

"Listen to me carefully. First of all, you are not my father. Secondly, even if you were, I would never go with you." The man's face hardened. 

"You'll go, little boy, if you value the life of your boyfriend!" He suddenly smiled a cold, satisfied smile. "Next time, I'll have to attend the party for Ellison to make sure that the men I've hired do the job right. I'm sure they'll be more successful." Blair gasped and took a step toward the older man, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. 

"You?! You did that to Jim?!" Hall laughed and Blair felt his control snap. He launched himself at the man, focusing intently on the hand that held the knife. Catching him by surprise, Blair was able to knock the knife from his hand. It skittered across the floor coming to rest underneath the couch. 

Blair caught Hall in the face with a hard right hook and the man fell to the ground. The young man was about to step forward to continue the fight when his eyes caught a glint of metal in Hall's waistband. Gun. Blair's vision cleared and he forced his rage down. Turning, he bolted for the door. 

Behind him he heard Hall scream and start after him. "You'll never get away from me, Blair! You're mine!! Do you hear me? Mine!!" Blair ignored him as he ran down the stairs. He needed to get to Jim. His partner could be in danger. He raced out of the building and the young police officer who was his escort jumped from the truck in alarm. 

"What's wrong, Sandburg?" The officer asked, hand on his gun, checking behind the young man for his pursuer. Seeing no one he focused in on the panicked face before him. "What is it?" 

"Attacked...in the loft. The man's name is Phillip Hall. Call Captain Banks. I need to get to Ellison." Blair raced around the truck and climbed into the driver's seat. He saw the officer open his cell phone as he pulled away from the curb. Blair drove to the hospital, making it in record time. Running off the elevator on Jim's floor, he startled Brown who was stationed outside of Ellison's room. Ignoring the man, Blair burst through the door to his partner's room desperate to make sure he was okay. 

Jim was climbing carefully out of bed, trying to make an unaided trip to the washroom when Blair flung open the door with a crash. He spun at the sudden noise, attempting a quick turn to assess the danger. He felt his wounded leg fold beneath him, not able to bear the strain of the rapid movement and he started to fall. He made the mistake of trying to halt his fall by grabbing onto the nightstand. Jim watched in dismay as it upturned and then he was on the floor with the contents of the stand scattered around him. Pain flared up in his bruised body as he hit the floor and he gasped. 

"Ellison! Sandburg!" Brown called out as he burst into the room, gun drawn, followed closely by Rafe. The men quickly checked the area then holstered their guns. Blair fell to his knees beside his partner. 

"Jim! Are you okay? I'm sorry, man." Blair drew his partner into a tight hug, happy to see that he was still relatively in one piece. The larger man winced but tried to return the embrace. Brown leaned over the pair. 

"You need any help, Ellison?" He regarded the awkwardly entwined men on the floor with amusement. Jim shook his head, avoiding Brown's eyes in embarrassment... 

"No, I'm fine. I just need to take care of a little business." Jim pulled back from Blair and struggled to his feet, keeping his weight off his injured leg. "What got into you, Chief?" He used his guide's shoulder to support his weight as he moved slowly toward the bathroom. He heard Brown and Rafe quietly leave the room behind them, whispering. Jim concentrated on what they were saying. Detective Brown's voice drifted to him... 

"I never would have guessed that Ellison swung that way. I always suspected Hairboy, but Ellison? Man, I guess you never can tell. We'll have to keep an ear out for trouble makers. Try to give them some help." 

"Yeah," Rafe agreed. "I remember when Collier from Homicide came out a couple of years ago. It wasn't pretty. He was ostracized by a lot of the men he worked with. He ended up getting hurt when backup was slow in coming. Jim's lucky, he has a lot of friends in Major Crimes who will back him no matter what." 

"And we can help make sure that the others know the score. They mess with Ellison or Sandburg they'll have us to deal with too." Brown spoke intently. 

"Yeah, man." Jim heard the sound of hands clapping together and imagined them doing a high five in the hallway of the hospital. He smiled, grateful to have the support that they would desperately need. Blair noticed the expression. 

"What's going on, Jim?" 

"Just doing a bit of eavesdropping on our friends," Jim admitted. 

"And..." Blair prompted. 

"We have true friends, Chief." Blair smiled up at the bigger man, relief evident in his face. 

"Yeah. Thank God for that." They entered the bathroom and Jim turned to Blair waiting. The young man threw his hands up. "What?!" 

"Ummm...I think a little privacy is in order here, Chief." Blair blushed and backed out the door. 

"Okay Jim, but don't lock the door and if you need any help just call out." 

Jim smiled and nodded. No way was Sandburg going to help him with this adventure. He found the task more difficult than he had imagined and by the time he had finished the knife wound in his leg was throbbing. Jim washed up and called for Blair. 

"Chief! I could use a little help here, pal." Blair was at his side in an instant and he felt kind of silly for having had to call him. The younger man picked up on his look. 

"Don't worry, Jim. Even big strong, semi-invincible hero cops need to lean on someone sometime." Jim grinned and did just that, allowing Blair to help him back to the bed where he could sit down. After he was comfortably seated, Jim returned to the question at hand. 

"Now, do you care to tell me what bursting in here like the devil was chasing you was all about?" Blair blushed. 

"Sorry, man. I just had a very disturbing confrontation with my alleged father at the loft. I thought...I thought that he might have someone come here and try to hurt you again." 

"What do you mean, again? Was he responsible for the attack?" 

"Yes..." Blair whispered, suddenly at a loss for words. Jim pulled the younger man, who had been standing beside the bed, between his legs so that they were face to face. 

"Whatever that stupid bastard did was not your fault, so don't even think about blaming yourself for this. What did he hope to gain?" 

Blair looked down, not meeting his partner's eyes. "I think he wanted to get rid of the evil influences in my life. He thought that if you were out of the way, I would go with him. As crazy as it sounds, he thinks that he can cure me of bisexuality. He thinks that he can fix me somehow." Blair shook his head, chilled by the obvious insanity of their tormentor. 

"God, Blair. I'm sorry." Jim pulled Blair in and wrapped his arms around the shaking body. The young man gratefully folded his body into his partner's. He needed to feel Jim's warm flesh, to know that he was alive and well. He accepted the comfort the Sentinel offered with abandon, trying to mould his body into Jim's. The injured man fell backward under the onslaught and the young man landed on top of him. Jim grunted in pain at the impact and Blair immediately tried to pull away, cursing himself for hurting his partner. Jim grabbed his arm and kept him from pulling away. 

"It's okay, Chief. Maybe a little overzealous but I like to have you close." Jim smiled down at the young man. Blair pulled back and this time he let him go. 

* * *

"Let's go home, Chief. The doctor signed my walking papers a little while ago. All I need to do is get dressed and we are out of here." Blair looked uncertain. 

"What is it, Chief?" 

"I don't think it's safe to go back to the loft Jim. What about Hall?" Jim shook his head. 

"No way, Blair. I am not letting that man keep me out of my own home. Simon will no doubt post a couple of sentries outside the loft, so I think we'll be safe enough. Why don't you call him while I try to borrow some clothes and see if they've caught Hall?" Blair nodded and picked up the telephone as Jim buzzed the nurses station. 

The news wasn't as good as he had hoped. Hall had escaped down the fire escape and there was an APB out for him. Hopefully he would be picked up soon. Simon was angry when he heard that the man was responsible for the attack on Jim and promised that he would not remain at large for long. He had kidnapped and injured a police officer, the others would not take that lightly. Brown and Rafe were to be their shadows for the rest of the evening. They would be relieved at midnight. Simon had put in the order for twenty four hour protection for Jim and Blair until further notice. At least until Jim was back on his feet, the captain would make sure that his best detective had the protection he needed to heal. 

Blair returned to Jim after leaving the room to talk to Brown and Rafe to find his partner sitting on the bed dejectedly. He crossed to the older man. 

"What is it, Jim?" Blair asked softly. 

"Damn." Jim whispered. "I can't do it. I can't believe I can't even manage to change my fucking clothes." His voice rose and the anger shone through. He had managed to pull down his hospital gown which was still around his waist but couldn't seem to get past the pain to pull the borrowed sweatshirt over his head. His entire body hurt and wouldn't seem to obey the simplest commands. "I've never felt so damn useless." Blair put his hand on Jim's back gingerly and caressed the warm flesh. 

"Don't worry, Jim. You'll be back to your old control freak self before you know it." Blair was happy to see the corners of his partner's mouth tilt up at his tease. 

"Gee thanks for the comfort, Sandburg." Jim smiled. "Okay, okay...enough with the self pity. Could you please give me a hand here, Chief?" Blair was amazed to see the red tinge in Jim's face. He was blushing. Having to ask for help to dress was so against the big man's nature that it embarrassed him. Blair shot a sultry look in Jim's direction. 

"Don't worry, big guy. I'm happy to take any and every opportunity to get you out of your clothes." Blair was rewarded with a deeper blush. Chuckling, he began to reach around Jim to undo the remaining tie on the hospital gown and then pulled it from his partner's body. Blair stepped back a moment to look at the man before him. Jim sat on the bed clad only in his boxers, blushing furiously under the scrutiny. Blair took in the perfection of Jim's skin marred now by dark bruises and bandaged ribs. He reached out a hand and drew his fingers feather light down the injured expanse of his partner's chest. The young man frowned, wishing he could ease the injury. 

"Ahhh, Blair...Blair, hon. I'm getting kind of cold here. Could we move this along?" Blair pulled his hand back and sheepishly grabbed the sweatshirt. 

"Sorry. man. I guess I got a bit carried away... it just looks so... painful." Jim nodded, he wouldn't lie to Blair. 

"It hurts but I can manage it. My wonderful guide taught me how to control my pain you see, so this," Jim gestured to his bruised body, "feels more like... how you feel after an incredibly hard workout after a year of inactivity. Sore... stiff... unable to move properly. I feel like I have to do everything in slow motion and I'm never sure if my body will cooperate when I move. Give me a little time and I'll be good as new and ready to explore new and uncharted territories." Jim gazed at Blair intently, leaving little doubt as to what he meant. 

Blair accepted this, feeling slightly better. He helped Jim dress in the borrowed clothing, finishing just as the nurse entered with the customary wheelchair. 

"All set, Mr. Ellison?" The round faced nurse asked with a smile. The detective nodded and gingerly settled himself into the wheelchair without argument. 

They drove back to the loft in the back of Rafe's car, deciding to leave the truck at the hospital for the time being. Jim painfully made his way to the loft with Blair and Rafe's help while Brown kept an eye out for any potential dangers. 

Once safely inside, the men sat down for a much needed drink, coffee for Brown and Rafe and tea for Jim and Blair. They chatted for a few minutes till Blair noticed the blinking light on the answering machine. It turned out to be Naomi. Blair quickly returned the call. Naomi answered on the first ring. 

"Blair?" The young man blinked in surprise. 

"Yeah mom, it's me. How did you know?" 

"Oh, honey. I've been frantic. Why didn't you call me back? Are you okay, sweetie?" 

"I'm fine, mom. Did you get my message?" 

"Yes, Blair." Naomi's voice was uncharacteristically subdued. "I'm so sorry, honey. I should have warned you about Phillip a long time ago. It's been so long, I thought that he had given up. I didn't think he would ever find you, Blair." 

"Mom, I need you to level with me. Is this man my father?" Blair braced himself for the answer. 

Naomi paused for a second before answering. "He may think that he is your father...but he isn't." 

Blair let out a breath that he hadn't realized he was holding. 

"Thank God." He looked over at Jim who was watching him closely and smiled. Jim smiled back. "Tell me what's going on, Mom. Why does this guy think he's my dad?" Blair covered the receiver for a second and whispered to Jim softly. "It's okay to listen in, big guy. I don't want to have to tell this story again." Jim nodded and Blair turned his attention back to his mom as she told her story. 

Naomi had found herself pregnant at a very young age. She was 17, scared and all alone. She met a young police officer after she had been mugged in the park. He was handsome, kind and seemed to be the answer to her prayers. They bonded quickly and within a month Naomi had found herself living with him. He found out she was pregnant a couple of months later and assumed the baby was his. At the time, Naomi didn't see any harm in letting him believe it. They were married and the baby was born. Phillip Hall was listed as the father on the birth certificate. 

Naomi realised her error within a couple of years of meeting Phillip. He became increasingly jealous of anyone she would talk to and possessive of his son. It got to the point where he would sit and stare at little Blair for hours. He began to drink and became violent. He threatened Naomi when she talked of leaving him. He promised that he would find her and kill her. Phillip pointed out that he was a police officer, he had resources at his beck and call, there would be nowhere she could hide from him. Naomi was young, frightened and didn't know where to turn, and so she stayed. Phillip hit her when he drank but never touched Blair. Naomi knew that her son understood some of what was happening. He was an extremely intelligent boy. She also knew that she had to get away from Phillip. 

Everything came to a head, one day, when she and Phillip were engaged in a particularity bad fight. Naomi blurted out that he had to let them go, that Blair wasn't his son. Hall became very angry and called Naomi a liar, striking her. A five year old Blair tried to help his mother and was knocked down by a hard slap across his face. Naomi pulled Blair behind her and they ran to the bedroom bolting the door. Eventually, Phillip left. 

The next day he insisted on a blood test to prove that he was Blair's father. He was certain that Naomi was lying to him. Naomi agreed, knowing that she didn't have a choice. Hall became increasingly agitated and violent in the days that they waited for the results. Naomi was home alone when the doctor called -- there was no chance that Hall was Blair's father. In that moment, Naomi knew without a doubt that when Hall discovered this he would kill both her and her child. Her mind made up, she packed a few clothes, took the money that she had been saving, collected Blair from school and ran. She never looked back. 

When Naomi finished her story, Blair thanked her quietly and told her that he needed time to process what she had told him. It was obvious that Hall had refused to accept the blood test's findings. Blair's head was spinning. He said goodbye to his mom and hung up the phone. He looked over at the men on the couch and saw the concern on all of their faces. 

"I'm okay, guys. It's just a lot to deal with all at once." Jim nodded knowingly. He had heard the entire conversation. Rafe and Brown understood a bit of what was happening from Blair's end of the conversation and were curious. They knew though that this was not the time for questions. Blair took in Jim's exhaustion and pain filled expression and decided that right now, he needed to take care of his partner and concentrate on the fact that Hall was not his father. He and Naomi would work out the rest of it later. 

Finally, Jim was settled into his own bed and Rafe and Brown had retreated to the living room, leaving he and Blair alone. The young man called out over the railing into the room below. 

"Help yourself to coffee or whatever, guys." He turned back to Jim who was struggling to stay awake. "So big guy, I guess I should spend the night in my own bed considering our company." The Sentinel reached out and grabbed his hand holding him there. 

"No way, Sandburg. I want you here. They already know about us anyway. Stay?" The young man smiled down at the uncertain face of his Sentinel. He knew that Jim still must be reeling from the attack. He probably needed the reassurance of someone close, even if he would never admit it. Given the revelations of the day, Blair needed those same reassurances. He pulled off his clothes and climbed into the big bed beside his partner. He spooned up behind him, holding him loosely in an embrace, not wanting to put too much pressure on his injuries. 

"This okay, Jim?" Blair breathed against the back of his neck. 

"A little tighter." The young man obliged, closing his arms around the big body in a firm grip. 

"Better?" 

"Perfect," Jim sighed and drifted off to sleep. Blair settled in behind him, happy to feel the warmth of his body and the steady lift and fall of his chest. Closing his eyes, secure in the knowledge that Rafe and Brown stood guard, he let himself sleep. 

* * *

Jim woke slowly. He felt the warm body against his chest and laid still, not wanting to wake the younger man. It had been two weeks since he had been released from the hospital. Blair had insisted on taking a leave from the University and staying home with Jim as he recovered. He had to admit that he was glad that his partner had decided to stay close. With the young man in the loft, he didn't have to worry about Hall grabbing him. He shivered at the thought. There was no way that he would allow that man to hurt Blair. 

Jim closed his eyes and let his senses catalogue his body. The bruises were faded, the pain almost entirely gone. His ribs still ached a bit but were well on their way to healing. His leg still bothered him, though it was also much improved. He could walk unaided now, only bothered by a bit of a limp. All in all, he felt ready to face the world again. 

He felt Blair stir against him in his sleep, the young man's buttocks brushing lightly against his groin. Jim let out a sigh and felt his cock stir. They had taken to sleeping nude together, ever since Blair had climbed into bed with nothing on his first night back from the hospital. He liked the feel of skin on skin. It made him feel so close to the young man, so protective and so safe all at the same time. 

They had both been happy to cuddle and talk, not going any further than long slow kisses. Waiting for Jim's body to recover so that they could both completely enjoy any further intimacy. 

Jim was glad for the time. He felt more comfortable with Blair's body now, more comfortable in their relationship. He realized that if they had moved faster it would have been a mistake. He knew now that he had needed the time to adjust to their changed relationship -- as had his partner. Jim smiled. He felt ready to move forward now, in both mind and body, and he hoped that Blair felt the same. 

The Sentinel extended his hearing, expecting to hear the sounds of one of the many officers who had been playing guard to them moving around in the living room. The room was silent. Jim frowned. Come to think of it he didn't remember hearing the man return after stepping out into the hallway at shift change. The officers had been doing this in the mornings so that they wouldn't disturb them as they exchanged information before they left and the new shift started. Jim focused his hearing on the hallway but was once again met with silence. He started to become alarmed. Nudging Blair, he climbed out of bed. His partner opened his eyes slowly, squinting at the light. 

"What time is it?" 

Jim began pulling on his clothes. "It's seven am Blair... get up, I think we might have trouble." 

The young man's eyes popped open in alarm and he quickly jumped out of bed, reaching for his clothes. "What's going on Jim?" 

"I can't seem to find our police guards. They are not in the loft anywhere or outside the door. They know enough not to go anywhere without a replacement. I've got a bad feeling about this." Jim reached for the phone and brought it up to his ear. As he feared, there was no dial tone. He turned to his frightened partner. "Stay here. I need to run downstairs for a minute and grab my cell phone." Blair nodded and Jim grabbed his gun and hurried down the stairs. The loft door was open. Jim reached the door just as a man appeared. Hall. 

"Shit," Jim swore as he found himself looking down the barrel of a gun. Hall gestured for Jim to drop his gun and step back. The Sentinel refused to move. "No." 

"Step back or I'll shoot you where you stand," the older man snarled. Jim tensed preparing to attack but froze as he felt a hand on his shoulder. 'Damn, why couldn't Blair have listened to him just this once?' He couldn't try to disarm Hall with his partner standing beside him. The risk was too great. He knew that he could take Hall down, though he probably would be shot in the process. Jim had been willing to take that bullet, if it meant that his guide would be safe. Blair tugged his arm gently. His gun fell from his hand and Jim let himself be led backwards as Hall moved into the loft, closing the door behind him. The armed man motioned for them to sit down on the couch. Jim felt Blair shaking as they complied. Hall's eyes were wild, out of control. 

"Did you really think that I couldn't get to you, boy?" The older man stared at Blair, waiting for a response. 

Blair licked his lips nervously, his mind raced to find a way to get them out of this. He felt Jim sitting tensely beside him and worried that his partner would try something foolish if he didn't think of a way out of this. Jim spoke. 

"You don't want to do this, Hall. There is nowhere to go here. Nothing to gain." The man stepped forward placing the barrel of his gun to Jim's forehead. Blair gasped and put his hand on Hall's arm. 

"No... don't. He'll be quiet. Won't you, Jim?" The Sentinel stayed silent. Hall cocked the trigger of the gun and Blair whimpered slightly. "Please. I'll do whatever you want." The man looked down at Blair, contempt in his eyes. 

"It's too late for that, now. This is your fault you know, son. If you had come with me before, he wouldn't have to die." Hall turned back to the detective. Jim tensed, waiting for the bullet. 

"You're not my father! I have proof!" Blair blurted out the words, desperate to take the man's attention away from Jim. It had the desired effect. Hall took a step back and spun the gun toward him. 

"What are you talking about, boy? Of course you're my son." His face was wild. Blair took a deep breath. 

"I talked to my mom." Blair winced at the look of rage that covered the man's face. "Don't you remember? You had a blood test done. It proved beyond a doubt that you couldn't be my father." Blair heard Jim whisper a warning beside him. 

"Chief..." Ignoring his partner he pressed on. 

"I'm not your son, not your responsibility. You don't have to do this." Blair tried desperately to reach the crazed man. Hall reached forward and pulled Blair to his feet, his gun swinging back to cover Jim. He pulled the young man towards him until they were inches apart. 

"It's a lie!! The bitch fixed those results!! She just wanted to keep you from me!!" 

Blair raised his voice, screaming back at the man, fear hot and heavy in his stomach. "It's true! Listen to me!! We can do another test if you don't believe me! Wherever you want, I'll go with you!!" 

"NO!! IT'S NOT TRUE!!" Blair felt the man release him but wasn't prepared for the fist that connected with his right cheek. He went down hard in front of the couch, his head spinning. Hall spun away screaming. "NO!! IT'S A LIE!!" He smashed the lamp on the table, and swept everything off the counter in his rage before turning back to the men. 

Blair lay where he had fallen, resting against Jim's leg. His partner's hand was on his shoulder. Hall moved back toward them quickly bringing up his gun. He was going to kill them now, Blair was sure. His face lay against the cool floorboards as he willed his head to clear. His eye caught a glimpse of steel. Hall's hunting knife. Blair's heart leapt as he saw the knife still lying where it had fallen under the couch. He had assumed that Hall had picked it up again, and hadn't thought of it since. He felt the man towering above him as he brought his gun back to Jim's forehead. Now or never. Blair reached under the couch and grasped the handle of the knife. Pulling it back, he thrust it into Hall's leg. The man screamed and reached down in agony. That was all Jim needed. 

When he saw the barrel of the gun sway away from him and Sandburg, he tackled Hall. They fell to the floor heavily, Jim on top of the crazed man. They struggled for the gun for a moment. The struggle ended with a single shot and both men slumped to the floor. 

Blair pulled himself over to the men, noting with fear the blood that pooled beneath them. He clutched the knife in his hand, ready to use it if Jim was the one hurt. In that split second of uncertainty, he had never felt such an intense fear. Then his partner moved and pushed himself off the dead man. Crying out, Blair threw the knife to the floor and launched himself at his lover. 

"Jim! Thank God, thank God, thank God." Blair knew that he was babbling but didn't care. He kissed his partner's face over and over again, relief washing over him. It was over. Really over. He felt strong arms circle him and pressed himself tight against his mate. "Thank God..." he finished softly. 

They were interrupted as the loft door burst open and Simon appeared, gun in hand, followed closely by Taggart and Brown. The Captain took in the scene before him and motioned for Brown to check the body. Jim looked up at them, not releasing Blair. 

"Great timing, Simon," he said. Simon grabbed their arms and led them to the couch to sit down as the paramedic checked on Hall. As expected, the man was dead from a bullet wound to the heart. Simon knelt in front of the two dazed men. 

"All you guys hurt?" Jim looked over at Blair and ran his fingers gently across the bruise that was forming on his cheek. Blair pushed his hand away. 

"It's fine, Jim. We're fine, Captain." Blair meant it. He felt that everything would be fine now. Keeping his eyes averted from the body on the floor, he concentrated on Simon. "How did you know to come here, Simon?" the young man asked. 

"Anderson didn't check in. Procedure was that after a change of shift the officer would check in with an all clear. When he didn't check in, we tried to raise him. When that didn't work, we came as quickly as we could. We found Anderson unconscious in the stairwell. I'm sorry that we weren't able to get here in time, Sandburg." Blair smiled at the Captain. 

"It's all right, Simon. We're going to be fine." Blair heard Jim give his assent beside him. 

* * *

Two days later, Blair was busily preparing dinner as he waited for his partner to return home. Jim was at the station for the wrap up of the shooting. Blair smiled. He felt light, happy, energized. Tonight was going to be special. Blair's heart sped up as he heard the key in the lock and his partner stepped in. He smiled broadly at his love. 

"Did everything go okay, Jim?" He asked, wanting to get the question out of the way so that they could move on to better things. 

"Yeah, Chief, no problems. Self defense all the way. I also made an appointment to talk to the counselor. Try to get my head straight about the kidnapping." Blair nodded knowing how bad the last couple of weeks had been for his partner, how it had been difficult for him to come to terms with his own vulnerability. Jim took off his coat grinning at the vision Blair made in the Sentinel's floral apron. "Did you talk to your mom?" Blair nodded a bit sadly. 

"Yeah, man. Naomi and I have some things to work out but we'll be okay. I love her more than anything..." Blair paused then smiled up at Jim, making his heart leap. "Well, not quite anything." Jim moved closer to the young man. 

"Do you love me more than anything?" he asked seriously. 

"Yes. More than you will ever know." Jim swept Blair up in an embrace and kissed him soundly. 

"I don't know about that, Sandburg. I hope that you love me as much as I love you. I guarantee that there is no way you could love me more." Blair smiled at the bigger man. 

"No way, man...I am not going there. This is not going to become a 'who loves who more contest'" Blair laughed. "Let's just agree that we both love each other more than life itself and move on." Even though the words were delivered in a teasing voice, he meant them with all of his being. Jim seemed to know this and understand. 

"Deal." He kissed the young man again before setting him back down on his feet. "What's for dinner?" 

Instead of answering Blair shooed him out of the kitchen and sent him off to the shower. Jim reluctantly went, not wanting to leave his delicious looking partner. 

Twenty minutes later Blair looked up as Jim exited the bathroom after his shower. 

"Damn, Jim," he exclaimed. Jim looked over at him grinning. 

"What?" he asked innocently. Clad only in a towel, Jim stood staring at Blair. His chest glistened with drops of moisture, his hair wet. Blair felt himself harden as he stared at the smooth, muscled body in front of him. He reached over and turned off the oven. Dinner would have to wait. Blair walked over to Jim, his eyes smoldering, his grin dangerous. Jim took an involuntary step back. 

"Ah, Blair?" Jim took another step back as his partner advanced silently reminding the Sentinel of a lion stalking its prey. "Blair, honey?" Jim stopped, frozen in place by the aroused look on his partner's face as he stepped up to him. Blair stared at him for a full minute, his eyes sweeping up and down his hard, shivering body. Finally, without a word, Blair pulled the towel from his partner's body and dropped to his knees, engulfing Jim's swiftly hardening erection in one motion. Jim's body stiffened painfully at the sudden sensation. 

"Oh God. Blair! Shit." Jim put his hands down on the young man's shoulders to brace himself and spread his legs more. He was lost in the feel of the silky mouth surrounding his heated erection. Blair pulled back so that only the head of his erection was in his mouth, his tongue swirling, tasting. Jim bit back another cry as he was engulfed once more to the root. He moaned and began thrusting his hips forward. Blair allowed the thrusting, taking him deep into his throat. 

"Blair, Blair, I can't wait. I'm going to cum." Jim moaned and continued to thrust into that lush mouth. He felt a hand caressing his butt and dipping into the crevice between his cheeks, he felt the tip of one finger push gently into him and came with a shout. Jim's legs gave out and Blair guided him to the floor. He rested against Blair for a moment, then began pulling at his clothes. 

"Want to see you," Jim panted. Blair pulled himself together long enough to stand up and pull his partner up with him. 

"Not here, Jim. Not again. I want you in our bed." Jim nodded and tugged Blair toward the staircase, pulling off his clothing as they went. This became a problem as Jim pressed up close behind Blair on the staircase, his arms circling him, his hands busily undoing his jeans. Blair pushed the hands away. 

"Jim, you're going to kill us here." Grinning, the big man complied. He managed to control himself until Blair had cleared the top step then he lifted him off the floor and tossed him on the bed. He looked down at the disheveled young man on the bed who was struggling to control his laughter. 

"Think it's funny, huh, Sandburg?" Blair tried to stop laughing but took one look up at his caveman-like roommate and dissolved once more into uncontrollable laughter. 

"I'm... sorry man... I just have... never seen you so... out of control before." Jim smiled slowly and leaned over his partner. 

"Let's see if I can find something better to occupy your mind than laughing." He quickly stripped the anthropologist and lay down beside him, tracing a hand down Blair's quivering body and heard the laughter replaced by moans as he grasped his partner's erection in one hand. Jim felt his own renewed erection throb at the sound of Blair's little moaning sighs. "I think I want to try what you did downstairs." 

"Go ahead, man," Blair gasped out. Jim scooted down the bed and licked the crown of his partner's cock. The young man's hips twitched and rose a bit off the bed. Jim held him down firmly and drew his tongue from the base to the tip, swirling and tasting the precum that leaked from the head. The flavor exploded in Jim's mouth. Blair. He couldn't think of a better taste. His own cock was painfully hard pressed into the bed, he began to move his hips against the covers, seeking the friction. 

"No, Jim. Stop moving. I want you to take me... want you in me." Jim froze as Blair's words penetrated the fog of his aroused mind. With one last lick to his lover's hard cock he raised his head, looking at the young man. 

"Are you sure, Chief?" Blair nodded and turned over, presenting his backside to Jim, spreading his legs wantonly. 

"I want you to make love to me." He handed Jim a tube from beneath his pillow. The older man took the tube and opened it spreading the lotion on his fingers. 

"Are you sure, honey?" He rested a slick hand in the crease between Blair's cheeks. 

"Yes Jim... please... but go slow, it's been a while." Blair pushed back, raising himself to his knees, resting his head on his folded arms on the bed, struggling to stay in control. Jim moved up and pulled Blair into his arms, taking his mouth in a hard hot kiss. They kissed for several long minutes until their insistent erections demanded attention. Blair resumed his position and Jim made a trail of sucking kisses down the young man's back. 

"Are you ready, sweetheart?" 

"Yes, come on..." Blair prompted. Jim coated his fingers once again and gently stroked across the small opening. Blair pushed back against his hand, trying to force the teasing finger into him. Jim watched in amazement as he pushed a single finger into his partner. The channel was tight and hot. He began thrusting in and out until he could feel the pressure relax a bit, then added a second finger. He almost came from the sight of his fingers moving in and out of the pliant body on the bed but controlled himself by a sheer act of will. Three fingers and then Blair was ready. The young man's breathing was coming in gasps and moans as he tried to impale himself further onto the fingers. Jim pulled out and knelt behind him, positioning his aching cock at the entrance to Blair's body. He ran his hands down Blair's back to his ass cheeks, pulling them apart till the loosened opening was visible and pushed forward slowly. Jim let out a long moan as his erection was engulfed by his guide's body. 

"Blair!" Jim cried out as the pressure became intense. The young man didn't respond except to push back, forcing the erection into him to the hilt. Jim came to rest against Blair's buttocks, pausing, attempting to catch his breath. When he felt the pressure ease a bit so that he could move without fear of hurting his partner, he pulled out slightly, then pushed back in. Blair cried out. 

"Yes... come on Jim... faster, let go... give me what I want." Jim heard the words and felt his control snap. He pulled out and thrust back in hard, pushing Blair to the bed. Jim covered his guide completely. The young man lay flat on the bed, supporting Jim's weight as he thrust in and out of his body. Jim moved faster and faster, thrusting, straining, lost in the sensation surrounding his cock. He heard Blair cry out as his cock touched a small knob inside his body. Jim adjusted his thrusting so that he touched that spot again and again, his ears ringing with the ecstatic cries of his lover. He felt Blair's body stiffen beneath him and then the reverberation from the young man's orgasm pushed him over the edge. He thrust into his lover hard one last time before spilling his seed deep inside the shaking body in long pulses. 

Spent, Jim collapsed on top of the smaller man. At Blair's grunt, he rolled to the side and pulled him into an embrace. Jim wiped Blair's sweaty brow with his hand and kissed him deeply before pulling back. 

"Are you okay? Damn Blair... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to lose control like that." Jim examined his partner carefully, cursing himself for not being more gentle, afraid that he had hurt the young men during their vigorous lovemaking. 

Blair rolled on top of Jim, pinning his wandering hands to his sides, looking deep into his eyes. "I'm fine, big guy. Don't worry. That was the most intense, incredible, moving, wonderful, all around hot experience of my life and don't you dare apologize. I won't break." Jim smiled happily at the younger man. 

"So I was okay then... you know... for a virgin." Jim delivered the line with a straight face. Blair looked at him in astonishment. 

"You mean you've never... I mean... like that with a girl?" Jim shook his head. 

"Good thing I'm a fast learner, huh, Blair?" Blair laughed, not quite sure if Jim was kidding or not, then decided he was telling the truth. 

"But how did you know what to do?" Jim blushed. 

"I umm... rented a couple of videos and bought a book." Blair looked at him fondly. 

"You did that for me?" He imagined an incredibly embarrassed Jim out buying those things. The older man chuckled. 

"Well, I think it worked out quite well for the both of us actually." 

Smiling happily Blair hugged Jim tightly, loving the feel of his big body against him. He turned serious. "I love you, you know." 

Jim stroked his hand down a sweaty flank and looked at Blair seriously for a moment, then broke into a huge grin. "Not as much as I love you." Blair groaned and rolled away from Jim only to be captured and pulled back into his embrace. 

"Really, Blair...I love you too, you know that." Jim leaned in a kissed him softly, then cuddled close and closed his eyes, happy to lie there assimilating the experience he had just had and imagining the day when he would let Blair take him. 

Blair closed his eyes too and relaxed finally. The past few weeks had been difficult, he was grateful that his life was settling down. It was hard to imagine that just three short weeks ago he had been lying in bed happily obsessing over the honor of being chosen to speak at an important function in his chosen field. Blair's eyes shot open. 

"Oh my God!" He sprang out of bed. Jim came off the bed in a 

flash, falling into a crouch, reaching for his gun on the bedside table. His eyes scanned the room. Finding no threat he focused on his panicked guide. 

"Blair, what is it?" he asked urgently, wondering what had upset his guide so quickly. He scanned the loft for intruders then gently placed his gun back down on the night table. Blair looked over at him wild eyed. 

"Oh my God, Jim. I have to give a speech on Pre-Columbian artifacts at the ball tomorrow. I completely forgot... it's formal, we'll have to get tuxes, I have to put together some slides, I have to write a speech... how could I have forgotten?" Blair paced back and forth in the room, his mind racing with everything he would have do to get ready. "There's no way I'll be ready on time." He flopped back down on the bed, defeated. Jim stared down at his partner. 

"Let me see if I've got this straight. You have to give a speech at that huge shindig at the Museum tomorrow night?" Jim had heard about the event and realized what it would mean to Blair, being asked to speak at the opening. 

"Yeah," Blair moaned, "and I forgot." Jim grabbed his hands and pulled him to his feet. 

"Well, come on then. Let's get to work. Between the two of us, I'm sure you can be ready in time." Blair looked at Jim. 

"Really?" 

"Absolutely, let's get moving, Darwin. We don't have a lot of time." Blair hugged Jim briefly then pulled back and began running through a list of things they needed to do. Jim listened contentedly and began pulling on his clothes. It was going to be a long night but time spent with Blair was a reward in itself. 

* * *

End Past Memories, Present Fear.


End file.
